The Perfume Counter: Fragrance Commercials of The '70s

Enjoli

                                

Charlie

Hai Karate

Windsong

Brut

Loop-A-Lot Toy Commercial

Unquestionably the LAMEST toy ever invented.......

Lysol Laundry Sanitzer TV Commercial (1985)

This commercial used to crack me up....... 

Furniture U.S.A. Commercial

There's a back story at the beginning of this video.

But at least he's honest about himself.

1978 Sears Stereo TV Commercial

In your choice of 8-Track or Cassette.....

Feen-A-Mint Commercial

                         
                             


Feen-A-Mint.....sounds like mint-flavoured cocaine. But it was a women's laxative that came in a chewing gum as well as pills. But I remember this commercial for how tacky it was (how you ever noticed in '70s laxative commercials how people just randomly stopped everything to loudly talk about their "irregularity" problem?)

And the daughter here gets the gum while stuffy old mom takes the pills.

Remember Madge The Beautician?

"You're soaking in it"

 

 

Monterey Jack's

This was before, and after, Jack In The Box. In 1985, Jack In The Box in one of the most disasterous blunders ever made by a fast food chain, changed it's name to "Monterey Jack's"

Patrons were not impressed by the yuppified image makeover and exactly a year later, they became Jack In The Box again.

Big Fig Newton Commercial (Early '80s)

THINK WITH YOUR DIPSTICK, JIMMY!!

Attention all units we have an all-points-bulletin for a crazed Scotsman in a 2009 TV commercial for Castrol motor oil who has assaulted several people with a large automobile oil dipstick. Subject is described as about 5'10"  Caucasian male in his late forties to mid fifties with red hair and beard, a red plaid flat cap and thick Scottish accent. He approaches at random, assaults victims and shouts "Think with your dipstick Jimmy!"

Citizens are advised not to publicly discuss their motor oil. On top of being dangerous, subject is considered a major pain in the ass and most likely is mentally ill......

Cell Phone Ad From 1989

Super Creepy IHOP Commercial from 1969

The Nestles Jingle

The horrendous (and creepy) Nestle's jingle from the late '80s.....

Back in school, we made a joke about it: "What comes out your ass/N-E-S-T-L-E-S......"

North Korean TV Commercials

Check out the female voice over on them.....she sounds like your North Korean fairy godmother......

This one is for ginseng:

Here's one for a quail restaurant in Pyongyang (the fairy godmother female voice over sounds orgasmic on this one.) And a quail restaurant? In a nation where 2/3rds of it's citizens starve.....Hmmmmm......:

 Here's a North Korean beer commercial (you mean they actually HAVE beer in North Korea?):

Halloween Hits: Georgie - Scholastic Records 1968

                                       

And the B-Side:  Mother Ghost Nursery Rhymes and Other Tricks and Treats

I think everyone who ever went to a suburban public elementary school in the '70s still remembers the Scholastic Book Club flyers and the books, magazines and records they offered within

Dynamite magazine anyone?

Scholastic Records was a sort of like Disneyland Records, if Disneyland were heavier into story books for their literary value than the commercial exploitation of them.

The Georgie record were based on a series of books written by Robert Bright, an author of children's books and it's pretty safe to say Georgie (written in 1944) was inspired by Casper The Friendly Ghost (first featured in 1939.) You could not hear this record and not make some immediate connection with Casper. Both are friendly ghosts, both are lonesome. Both have human relation problems.

The series continued with Georgie and The Robbers and Georgie and The Noisy Ghost.
 
Georgie was narrated by voice actor Bob McFadden, best known for his commercial work - he was the voice of Frankenberry in the Count Chocula cereal commercials.

Bob McFadden also had a Halloween hit in 1958, "The Mummy" for Brunswick Records.

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Body On Tap Shampoo

Remember this commercial (starring a very young Kim Basinger)? "Brewed with 1/3rd real beer..(WOW!)..But don't drink it......"

1976 Mazola Margarine Commercial

"You call it corn, we call it Maize....."

Who can forget this commercial?.........

Hey Love

I LOVE this commercial.

Three dudes and three chicks, they're at somebody's house, sitting SEPARATELY, doing nothing else but listen to the clock tick.

They are all silent, nobody is busting a move. Detention in Catholic school isn't this bad. And this is supposed to be a party. 

Then one of the guys mentions, almost as an afterthought "Hey y'all, I got a great new album in the mail today"

He puts the needle on the record, the girls begin to smile and everybody begins to dance.

Well, in spite of the fact that in real life, the girls wouldn't have even gotten out of the car, let alone put up with guys this lame. I guess it did sell some records. The selections on this 3 record set looked pretty good......

Dora Hall

She was known as "The Queen Of The Vanity Records". And "vanity" took on a whole new meaning with Dora Hall.

But first, "What is a vanity record?" you ask. "And who the hell is Dora Hall?"

You better sit down for this.

A vanity record is an album or single that a completely unknown person makes for commercial sale outside of independent or major labels.

They never "pay their dues" the way most actual stars do with hard work, constant touring, daily practice and nightly performance. And most of all, making connections (after all, it's not always WHAT you know but who you know.)

The vanity act often has little to no live performance history or review, no music industry credentials or experience. Someone who basically makes records based on nothing else but their own self perceived enormous talent.

Basically, a self-made, self appreciated and self-assured star in their own right. They often entice friends and family to buy their self distributed records and basically live delusionally in their own superstar fantasy. Sometimes, they'll take out self written, superlative filled advertisements to entice others to buy their music.

99.9% of these acts NEVER get noticed by the music industry (professional or independent) and most want nothing to do with them as they expect some level of "dues paying". Those who do it this way are perceived as arrogant, stuck up and overly demanding with no basis other than themselves.

Not much is known about Dora Hall prior to her vanity career. It's been said she was a so-so cabaret act in the '20s, (she claimed she was entertaining troops during World War I.) But in 1926 she met and married Leo Hulseman, who became a wealthy disposable cup magnate and the founder and CEO of the Solo Cup Company.

But in the early '60s, Dora Hall, now an aging grandmother had decided to re-enter show business. But the industry wasn't interested in an inexperienced elderly grandmother with virtually no track record whatsoever.

No biggie. Her husband was more than happy to make her a star. Experience and industry expectations? BAH! He was a multi-millionaire and he could spend that money any damn way he pleased.

He set up a couple fake record labels, Reinbeau (pronounced "Rainbow"), Premore, and Cozy. Almost EXCLUSIVELY for recording his wife's songs.

There was one other artist on the Solo Cup labels, somebody named Larry Taylor (not the Canned Heat bassist).

But how would Leo Hulseman get his wife's music out to the public? Commercial radio rarely plays anything (then or now) from unsolicited, unknown acts in enough rotation to garner any kind of attention. But NEVER one whose career was basically BOUGHT. (There were STRICT laws against payola on the radio back then.)

Again, no biggie. He simply GAVE them away (or included mail-order coupons) on or in the packaging of his Solo Cozy Cup products.

The Solo Cozy Cup was an environmentalist nightmare neatly packaged with bottomless cups and disposable paper (later plastic) cone shaped cups. On every package was a free record offer. It often didn't mention Dora Hall's name or even what song you're getting, just a "Top Tune Record". And all you had to do was check your particular genre on the order form and aside from the cost of a stamp. It was free, a mystery with grooves. So many did. just to see what they would get. Larger packages often had a randomly selected record included in the packaging....   

Solo Cozy Cups were ubiquitous in coffee shops in the early-mid '70s. The ones who bought them for home use were often those weird old ladies who thought they were so modern and convenient in spite of the fact everybody else, including their own husbands HATED them..... 

   
 Well, no doubt this was stirring some, albeit mediocre amount of attention. Who was this strange woman who made some of the most godawful covers of '60s pop songs the human ear has ever heard?

And why did her music always come with Solo cup products?

Well, needless to say, Leo Hulseman was going to make his wife a superstar, no matter what. The laws against payola on the radio were one thing.

But there was NOTHING against payola on TV.

Hulseman also owned a TV studio in Culver City, CA. Which he rented out to various TV networks to produce shows in. But his biggest ambition was to produce a HUGE variety show where his wife, Dora Hall was the star. And in 1971, he did. And Dora Hall was flanked by several B-list names of the time (Frank Sinatra Jr., Phil Harris, Rich Little, Rosey Grier, etc.) in a variety show called "Once Upon A Tour".

At the time, TV variety shows (Tony Orlando & Dawn, Sonny & Cher, Donny & Marie, etc.) were all BIG in the '70s (only to be completely - and actually mercifully - killed off forever by the Pink Lady show in 1980. Look for more about that here tomorrow.)

It didn't matter to the other stars who Dora Hall was or how she got to where she was, Or that she had problems singing on key. Leo Hulseman cut HUGE checks for their appearances. And the money DID talk.

He shopped the show around to the three commercial TV networks back then (ABC, NBC and CBS.) But the networks wanted none of it. So he syndicated the show. Prime time entertainment starved independent TV stations (or network stations during off-network hours) could air it that way.

But just as much as the entertainment (or whatever it was), the show was to sell Solo products. And of course, the included Dora Hall record offers.

There were a few more of these shows. But Dora Hall was well into her late '70s by this time and having serious trouble adapting to the changing times (disco namely.) And all of her syndicated shows bombed in the ratings. And by 1980, Solo cups were sold without record offers (although she did made one interesting inroad before the end. When the very first consumer video tape machines came out in the late '70s, she offered free video tapes of her old TV shows - with the purchase of Solo Cups, of course.)

And Dora Hall faded back into obscurity She died in May 1988.

However, she did maintain a very small, but loyal fan club. And her fans (what few there were) have maintained a fan site in her memory.

http://dorahall.tvheaven.com/index.html

So think about that with your next red Solo cup of whatever.......

Hanes Inspector 12

Inspector 12 always scared me.

I simply do not know what was going on in the minds of the promotions department of the Hanes Underwear Company that they thought hiring a scary old woman with a boys underwear fetish to promote their products was a neat idea.

And secondly, can you imagine the UPROAR if they got a dirty old man to fool around with the girls underwear like THIS? I mean, what was the difference?

To quote one voice-over on the early Inspector 12 TV commercials "She POKES!.....She STRETCHES.......And that's just the beginning......."

It was violating to look at.

Worse yet, in later commercials she TRAINS other scary old women to do the same thing she does.

I became a sworn Fruit Of The Loom man for the rest of the '80s.........