The Great Kat - Worship Me Or Die! (Roadrunner, 1987)

Your blind date is here. Image: Discogs

I once saw a mail-order offer for this album in Metal Edge magazine back in 1988. The cover of this made me do the same double take you probably just did. So if you haven't already gotten the trigger warning; This is not an Anne Murray-type album.

"......UNDERSTAND??!!" Image: Discogs

But why it was mail order was an interesting fact of music distribution in the 1980s. Some major retail chains back then (including Walmart) simply did not stock then-independent labels such as The Great Kat's then-label, Roadrunner Records. And perhaps partly due to the then ongoing PMRC controversy and Roadrunner's then 1980s line-up of mostly scare-your-overly-religious-parents satanic shock metal bands, such as Obituary, Mercyful Fate and it's frontman, King Diamond that were hugely popular in the headbanger underground of the 1980s.  

"And always remember to brush and floss daily, limit sweets, and get a dental check-up twice a year. Mr HappyHorns....AWAAAAAAYYYYY!!!...." Image: Discogs

And in the 1980s, many independent record stores in America outside of larger urban centers were being wiped out by mall chains, such as Sam Goody, Musicland and Wherehouse, which typically only had just enough floor space for the mainstream major label hit albums (though you could special order some releases through some chains, you usually had to pay more.) 

So indie labels (even a few majors) often sold direct through fan magazines such as Metal Edge. 

Your eyes almost melted from the bright, airbrushed full color glossiness of every page of Metal Edge.

And The Great Kat's Worship Me Or Die! was one ad for a record that somehow stuck in my head. Without even hearing it. 

But even in my then heavy metal-centric stomping grounds of Lynnwood, Washington (circa 1988) and even in nearby Seattle, this album was somehow impossible to find locally. In any format.  

So while promising myself I'd order a copy Worship Me Or Die! (I mean, like, that cover), other albums distracted me. I was a very foolish mortal. And soon, I would really be in for it.

Image: Discogs

I almost completely forgot this album until I came across a miracle copy of this LP at a Goodwill a decade later. I grabbed it. Took it home, wiped the dust off the grooves. Put on my headphones. And began my atonement. 

And I was instantly disappointed. In myself. For not ordering this record when I should have. Because this album would have been the de facto soundtrack of a lot of headbanger parties, had I heard this back then. Because beneath the layers of metal cheese (and she didn't miss a single cliche) is some of the fastest speed metal guitar fretwork I've ever heard then. Or since.

An institutional grade Cuisinart could not shred speed metal lead guitar like The Great Kat. Forget the lyrics. I kept putting the needle back at the beginning of her guitar solos; What the hell did I just hear?

Even with all the thrash/speed metal I've heard up to this point, I still can't comprehend how this still exists absolutely ignored by the mainstream (ahem, rock radio.) But fortunately, you can hear this lost classic in it's entirely on Spotify and YouTube.

The Great Kat (aka Kathrine Thomas) is a Julliard-trained classical musician, which other than actual demonic influence might explain her amazing fretboard dexterity. She played classical music before crossing over to metal. She plays both violin and guitar. 

Her later releases, while not quite as over the top as Worship Me Or Die! combined classical music with speed metal. Her skill getting even more shockingly fast with each new album.

The Great Kat Beethoven on Speed (1990)

      

And The Great Kat is still showing the boys how it's done. This is her latest, "Shredssissimo" (2021).

 

The Disposable Paper Dresses of The 1960s

 

There's an essence of a woman who buys her dresses with her buckets of KFC (nudge-wink).

Perhaps one of the most questionable products of the 1960s was the disposable paper dress.

And it still looks like instant disaster; Just add rain. Hoses and sprinklers. Sweat. Pets. Perverts. Wind. A wayward snag, tree branch or sticker bush. Hot cigarette/joint ashes. Sparks. And of course, plain old fire. To mention a few. 

...and that's before Becky looks at it and turns up her nose... Image: Wikipedia

But the 1960s were of course, a very libertine time in fashion. But even so, somebody had to prove that a disposable evening dress could be both fashionably hip and safe. (Or at least in some mediocre way.) Enter the Scott Paper Company in 1966 with their promo ads in teen magazines.

Right there, you're probably thinking "Uh-oh", as tissue paper is not known for it's durability, no matter what the TV ads say. And assuming the worst, you're probably wondering where the hell Ralph Nader was on this, to say nothing of every parent of a teenage girl.

But these dresses weren't that flimsy. In fact, these dresses could be worn more than once. But still, there were risks involved. Washing them (which you could do on some paper dresses only once) will remove the fire retardant coating. Other paper dresses would disintegrate being washed. 

But after a while, sweat stains, odors, wear, small tears and strap failure begin to take their toll.  

Hallmark Cards really got into the act and made several styles of paper dresses.

But they were primarily a commercial avenue. Whether it's the Yellow Pages, Johnston's pies or The Chicago Sun-Times.

Image:Vintage Everyday 

Image:Vintage Everyday 

Even geeky girls got their own paper dresses....Image:Vintage Everyday 

The most popular paper dress was of Bob Dylan.

Asheville, NC was a hub of paper dress making,

The paper dress fad reached it's peak around 1966-68. 

1969

But by the turn of the 1970s, the focus was on recycling. And disposable paper dresses became unfashionable.

  

  

The Last 78 RPM Records

"Gwendolyne" Julio Iglesias (1970, Colombia) Image: Discogs

What was the last 78 RPM record?

I've been asked this question now and then and to be perfectly honest, the 78 RPM speed is still with us. Mostly for collectors items and not as general releases. But it does occasionally surface.


But as general releases, 78 RPM was largely passe in America by 1957. In 1957, sales of 78 RPM records accounted for 4,500,000 units in 1957. In 1958, it plummeted to less than 500,000, less than 5% of overall sales and the writing was on the wall.

"Fannie Mae" Buster Brown (1959)  This is considered one of the last commercial American pop singles released at 78 RPM. Image: 45 Worlds. However, there were some 78s pressed on budget labels and independents well into the early 1960s .

But it still had a visible, if fading market for children's records (mostly because kids inherited hand-me-down phonographs from their parents and many kids phonographs also still had that speed.)

Phonola Record Player, 1950s -60s Note the case is pure Vanity Fair/Imperial Party Time, but the tone arm is a plastic gramophone reproducer that used steel needles. These players (which also sold under Woolworth's house brand, Audition) had two speeds, 45 and 78 (which were the speeds of most kids records available at that time, 45 by the 1970s, but many 78s from the '50s and '60s. still existed.) These players were sold well into the early 1970s. Image: Etsyspot

But what I'm going to focus on here is what were the last general release singles worldwide at 78 RPM.

Image: 

While 78 RPM was all but abandoned in America, (save for certain budget, independent, promo releases and oddities (The "Just Like Gene Autry; A Foxtrot" track on Moby Grape's Wow album is one example.) In South America, 78 RPM was still in use until the early '70s for certain pop releases.

"Jolie" Latimore (1973, Brazil) Image: Discogs

 In the UK, 78 RPM was still being used for kids records.

Image: Discogs

Here's one from the Soviet Union, circa 1979.

Image: Discogs

 But by this time also, 4 and 3 speed record changers were in twilight and practically non-existent outside a very select range of high-end turntables in the '80s and '90s.

"September Song" Ian McCulloch (1984, UK) An unusual offering from Ian McCulloch, New Wave legend and frontman of Echo & The Bunnymen, best known for their hit "The Killing Moon", The flip side had a longer version of "September Song" and "Molly Malone (Cockles and Mussels)" and played at 45 RPM. Image: Discogs

"You're The One For Me, Fatty" Morrissey (1992, UK) Image: Discogs. Morrissey was the former lead singer of the British pop group The Smiths, best known for their 1984 alternative rock mega hit "How Soon Is Now". In 1992, he released a few 78s with selections from his solo album Your Arsenal.

"Millennium" Robbie Williams (2000, UK) Limited Edition of 999 numbered copies issued to commemorate the opening of the new HMV store in Oxford Street, London. Image: Discogs

The speed reemerged in the 2000s on some newer Crosley type junk players for playing old 78s. But some better quality turntables also began including it as the vinyl renaissance swept the country and anything with grooves fascinated Millennial hipsters. But most turntables still offer only the standard 33/45 speeds.

So to sum up, the last official general release new Western pop single on 78 that isn't a reissue, novelty, oddity, collector's item or promo is one that may never truly be known, even among collectors and they're still searching. The 1973 Brazilian Latimore 78 mentioned above is the most recent I've seen yet. I have heard of others that extend into the disco era, but I've never seen any as of this writing.

"Terraplane Blues" Robert Johnson (2019 Record Store Day reissue) Image: Discogs

A Budget Label Christmas

For those of you who love those old budget label Christmas records (the kind your parents randomly picked up at the drug store just as something different to play on the stereo around the holidays.) I have a tub of pure Cheez-Whiz for you today.

In the 1950s and well into the '80s, It wasn't uncommon to see racks of super cheap anonymous Christmas records in your local drug store or supermarket selling for anything from 88 cents to $1.98. A cheap "impulse" thing you bought when your Christmas spirit was high, but money was tight. This made an even balance. You got your gifts and wrappings, ornaments for the tree, a quart of dairy egg nog and...Wait...I gotta have tunes!

And there they were. Conveniently close to the check-out stands for ridiculously low prices. Problem. Solved. Granted, it was "mystery music". But who knows?

Sometimes these records became family heirlooms, others donated to the thrift shops. But there's always been a soft spot for those over 40 who can still remember seeing these records at drug and discount stores. 

And a very special thanks to Kaiwaza for finding some of these aural samples.

"Christmas With The Caroleers" The Caroleers (Promenade/Diplomat/Spin-O-Rama, 1963)

First, let's get started with the biggest known of the budget label acts (and absolutely mandatory in any collection of cheapo vinyl); The Caroleers.

As mentioned here, "The Caroleers" weren't technically an actual group. Although some Caroleers tracks have the same vocalists, it appears to be the generic umbrella name for anonymous holiday material from Synthetic Plastics Company (famous for their Peter Pan label of cheap kids records) and their various subsidiary labels regardless of the actual performer. Many of the same songs also appear across several Caroleers LPs on the various Peter Pan/SPC label LPs, 45s and EPs in the 1960s.

Putting names and faces to this music is next to impossible. SPC/Peter Pan (as well all the other budget labels) only paid their studio performers a flat rate with no royalties. They rarely had credits for anyone.

But in my research last week, I made a major breakthrough. I found one actual person that not only appeared on some Caroleers tracks, but could very well be the mysteriously female sounding voice on the "Nuttin' For Christmas" song I wrote about a few weeks ago that was credited to Bobby Stewart as well.

Her name was Toby Deane, a comedienne and voice actress. Bob Purse has an excellent post on Toby's career on his blog, The Wonderful and the Obscure. Toby Deane recorded for Peter Pan/SPC label records and various other budget labels from the 1950s to the 1970s. Her voice is believed to be on several hundred children's records.

And the Eddie Maynard Orchestra. But once again, I run into the same dead ends in my research while looking for Eddie. All that is known is they appear across several Peter Pan/SPC label albums and their holiday music appears on LPs credited to The Caroleers. 

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town The Caroleers (Diplomat/Tinkerbell, 1970)

With the release of this album, the sound of The Caroleers radically changed. No more old recycled tracks, here was a Caroleers album of mostly actual original material. Sung by Toby Deane and Ray Dorey. A pop vocalist who, like Toby Deane, also performed with Benny Goodman's Orchestra in the 1940s. Ray was also a fixture on Boston area on radio and TV in the 1950s and in later years, recorded chidren's records and other material for Peter Pan/SPC.

It sounds more cohesive than other Caroleers albums in that it wasn't a grab bag of whatever was in the SPC/Peter Pan vaults and that it was single group in a session specifically for this album.

Christmas Is For Children; Merry Favorites from Santa's Little Helpers (Design Records DLPX-2, 1957)

Toby Deane also appears on this album. In fact, many of the Caroleer vocalists from the Peter Pan/SPC labels appear on this Pickwick distributed LP. It appears there were no exclusive contracts to the budget labels, as these performers seemed to appear on nearly all of them. 

Design Records was Pickwick's subsidiary label. They're best known today as where Lou Reed got his first break in the music industry as a staff songwriter and recording as session musician and occasional vocalist with some musicians who would later form The Velvet Underground. While most of Design's output was knockoff cover versions of pop songs and sound-alikes, Design occasionally licensed older material of various pop acts. When stereo LPs became the norm, Design took a few, shall we say, liberties with their licensed material (Such as this infamous Roy Orbison "remix".)

And down here, I dug out some of the earliest stuff that was available back in the day. Perennial, old-timey fruitcake-like music you probably heard dropping from the automatic record changers inside your parents/grandparents BIG console stereos of the time. Choruses, orchestras and pipe organ music. Mostly playing public domain traditional carols.

Christmas At Our House; Favorite Christmas Carols Martha Tilton and other Great HOLLYWOOD Vocal Stars, George Mather at The Console (Tops Records,1956)

Martha Tilton was called "The Sweetheart of Swing", best known for her 1944 hit "I'll Walk Alone". After 1950, Big Band swing music had given way to the pop balladeer and her career was fading and she was recording for Tops.

This album also features Marni Nixon, who was a movie playback singer (she recorded the vocals for Deborah Kerr's singing parts in The King And I.) She is also fondly remembered in the Seattle area as the host of KOMO-TV's kids TV show Boomerang.

Thurl Ravenscroft was a radio and animation voice actor and basso singer who sang the classic 1966 version of "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" (not on this album.) and the legendary voice of Tony The Tiger in TV commercials for Kellogg's Frosted Flakes.

Doris Drew (Not to be confused with Doris Day) was a jazz singer and like Marni Nixon, often recorded songs for actress singing parts in movies. Norma Zimmer would join Lawrence Welk's orchestra as it's religious singer. John Gabriel would find later fame as a soap opera actor in the '60s, '70s and '80s. and probably best known as Seneca Beaulac in Ryan's Hope. All that is known about John Gustafson is he had an uncredited role as a background singer in the 1954 movie musical Brigadoon. And I can't find anything at all on Bill Reeve.

Tops Records was a typical budget label that specialized in the "knockoff", sound-alike record and often sold packaged compilations of these. When the LP was invented, they changed to recording originals by fading and B-List stars. At their peak in the late 1950s, they were the most popular budget label in America.

They also pioneered the "cheesecake" album cover (With Hollywood actresses on the covers, including Jayne Mansfield, Mary Tyler Moore - who appeared on several Tops LP covers. Rita Hayworth and Kim Novak.)

Jayne Mansfield

Mary Tyler Moore

Rita Hayworth

Kim Novak & Rita Hayworth

But then after a strange merger with failing Geiger counter maker Precision Radiation Instruments in 1958 (which established it's own subsidiary record label) and a couple years later, a disastrous acquisition by an investor who was completely inept to the record business, Tops was bankrupt and it's catalogue was sold to Pickwick Records just two years after the acquisition.

Another strange coincidence was Tops Records were also pressed at the same South Central Los Angeles pressing plant as the Bihari brothers' infamous Crown Records. Just what connection Tops had with Crown is still unclear with many collectors. It's believed the plant was originally owned by Tops and sold to Crown and then used again by Tops as a cost cutting measure. Even some Tops recordings appeared on Crown (attributed to different artists) and vice-versa. At this time, Crown's record quality was still fairly decent. But after Tops folded in 1962, Crown's quality tanked. And like Crown, Tops covers were known for splitting at the seams as they were just two pieces of cardboard held together by a cover slick.

Hail To Christmas Peter Raymond Carolers (Wyncote, 1966)

On this album, it appears the lead caroler on some tracks on Side 1 is a very off-key caroler who sounds like he's trying to shout over the orchestra. He also botches the lyrics in "Jingle Bells".

It takes work to botch up the lyrics in "Jingle Bells".  

Wyncote was owned by Cameo-Parkway Records, a major independent label based in Philadelphia and named for a Philadelphia suburb.

You'd think Wyncote, being owned and operated by a major independent would have better quality albums than the usual budget label dreck. But nothing could be further from the truth. They were amongst the very worst budget labels I have ever seen. Every Wyncote record I ever owned (all of them clean and some close to mint) was plagued with ghastly surface noise, the vinyl often had bumps and even a few air bubbles. Like Tops/Crown, Wyncote covers were slapped together with no inner paper or plastic sleeves and the quality of the music? Well, let this sink in.

Christmas Favorites The International Choristers and Orchestra Featuring George Mather (HIM again?) at The Mighty Console (Craftsmen/Golden Tone/Tops, 1959)

Nothing says international Christmas like four random average American-looking white people from the Midwest and a rather annoyed looking sidewalk Santa, who seems to be pondering "How much did they say I was getting for this stupid photo shot again?"

And it really shows on this album in particular. They sing in perfect English with exaggerated German and French accents.

From here, we go to the late '70s and the disco-themed Christmas budget albums.

Christmas And New Year's Party - Irwin the Disco Duck with The Wibble Wabble Singers and Orchestra (Peter Pan, 1977)

Disco Noel Mirror Image (Pickwick, 1979)
 
Mirror Image was Pickwick's house band in the 1970s. They appeared on several "sound-alike" Pickwick albums of the 1970s.

Disco Noel included a free disco dance lesson.

Pickwick was so confident in the success of the Disco Noel album, it was immediately followed up with Yuletide Disco.

And they did sell quite well, in spite of disco rapidly falling out of popularity at this time.

But this would be the end of the era of the budget label Christmas record. Pickwick had been sold to PolyGram earlier in 1979 and would soon cease operations and Peter Pan/SPC would concentrate solely on their kids records.

Still, it was an era. And it still feels weird walking into a discount retailer and not seeing the bins of budget label Christmas records like I used to.

Merry Christmas!