The Great Kat - Worship Me Or Die! (Roadrunner, 1987)

Your blind date is here. Image: Discogs

I once saw a mail-order offer for this album in Metal Edge magazine back in 1988. The cover of this made me do the same double take you probably just did. So if you haven't already gotten the trigger warning; This is not an Anne Murray-type album.

"......UNDERSTAND??!!" Image: Discogs

But why it was mail order was an interesting fact of music distribution in the 1980s. Some major retail chains back then (including Walmart) simply did not stock then-independent labels such as The Great Kat's then-label, Roadrunner Records. And perhaps partly due to the then ongoing PMRC controversy and Roadrunner's then 1980s line-up of mostly scare-your-overly-religious-parents satanic shock metal bands, such as Obituary, Mercyful Fate and it's frontman, King Diamond that were hugely popular in the headbanger underground of the 1980s.  

"And always remember to brush and floss daily, limit sweets, and get a dental check-up twice a year. Mr HappyHorns....AWAAAAAAYYYYY!!!...." Image: Discogs

And in the 1980s, many independent record stores in America outside of larger urban centers were being wiped out by mall chains, such as Sam Goody, Musicland and Wherehouse, which typically only had just enough floor space for the mainstream major label hit albums (though you could special order some releases through some chains, you usually had to pay more.) 

So indie labels (even a few majors) often sold direct through fan magazines such as Metal Edge. 

Your eyes almost melted from the bright, airbrushed full color glossiness of every page of Metal Edge.

And The Great Kat's Worship Me Or Die! was one ad for a record that somehow stuck in my head. Without even hearing it. 

But even in my then heavy metal-centric stomping grounds of Lynnwood, Washington (circa 1988) and even in nearby Seattle, this album was somehow impossible to find locally. In any format.  

So while promising myself I'd order a copy Worship Me Or Die! (I mean, like, that cover), other albums distracted me. I was a very foolish mortal. And soon, I would really be in for it.

Image: Discogs

I almost completely forgot this album until I came across a miracle copy of this LP at a Goodwill a decade later. I grabbed it. Took it home, wiped the dust off the grooves. Put on my headphones. And began my atonement. 

And I was instantly disappointed. In myself. For not ordering this record when I should have. Because this album would have been the de facto soundtrack of a lot of headbanger parties, had I heard this back then. Because beneath the layers of metal cheese (and she didn't miss a single cliche) is some of the fastest speed metal guitar fretwork I've ever heard then. Or since.

An institutional grade Cuisinart could not shred speed metal lead guitar like The Great Kat. Forget the lyrics. I kept putting the needle back at the beginning of her guitar solos; What the hell did I just hear?

Even with all the thrash/speed metal I've heard up to this point, I still can't comprehend how this still exists absolutely ignored by the mainstream (ahem, rock radio.) But fortunately, you can hear this lost classic in it's entirely on Spotify and YouTube.

The Great Kat (aka Kathrine Thomas) is a Julliard-trained classical musician, which other than actual demonic influence might explain her amazing fretboard dexterity. She played classical music before crossing over to metal. She plays both violin and guitar. 

Her later releases, while not quite as over the top as Worship Me Or Die! combined classical music with speed metal. Her skill getting even more shockingly fast with each new album.

The Great Kat Beethoven on Speed (1990)

      

And The Great Kat is still showing the boys how it's done. This is her latest, "Shredssissimo" (2021).

 

The Disposable Paper Dresses of The 1960s

 

There's an essence of a woman who buys her dresses with her buckets of KFC (nudge-wink).

Perhaps one of the most questionable products of the 1960s was the disposable paper dress.

And it still looks like instant disaster; Just add rain. Hoses and sprinklers. Sweat. Pets. Perverts. Wind. A wayward snag, tree branch or sticker bush. Hot cigarette/joint ashes. Sparks. And of course, plain old fire. To mention a few. 

...and that's before Becky looks at it and turns up her nose... Image: Wikipedia

But the 1960s were of course, a very libertine time in fashion. But even so, somebody had to prove that a disposable evening dress could be both fashionably hip and safe. (Or at least in some mediocre way.) Enter the Scott Paper Company in 1966 with their promo ads in teen magazines.

Right there, you're probably thinking "Uh-oh", as tissue paper is not known for it's durability, no matter what the TV ads say. And assuming the worst, you're probably wondering where the hell Ralph Nader was on this, to say nothing of every parent of a teenage girl.

But these dresses weren't that flimsy. In fact, these dresses could be worn more than once. But still, there were risks involved. Washing them (which you could do on some paper dresses only once) will remove the fire retardant coating. Other paper dresses would disintegrate being washed. 

But after a while, sweat stains, odors, wear, small tears and strap failure begin to take their toll.  

Hallmark Cards really got into the act and made several styles of paper dresses.

But they were primarily a commercial avenue. Whether it's the Yellow Pages, Johnston's pies or The Chicago Sun-Times.

Image:Vintage Everyday 

Image:Vintage Everyday 

Even geeky girls got their own paper dresses....Image:Vintage Everyday 

The most popular paper dress was of Bob Dylan.

Asheville, NC was a hub of paper dress making,

The paper dress fad reached it's peak around 1966-68. 

1969

But by the turn of the 1970s, the focus was on recycling. And disposable paper dresses became unfashionable.

  

  

Tortura: The Sounds of Pain and Pleasure (Bondage Records, 1965)

You can listen or download here.

Greetings again my naughty readers. Today, we're going to look at one of the most bizarre non-music records of the 1960s.

Not much is known about this album. Yet it remains one of the most collectible non-music LPs for it's rarity and, um, oddness.

Tortura was produced by Los Angeles based Flag Publications, noteworthy for it's um, kinky products. Which of course includes “adult and juvenile discipline, transvestism, home movie and Polaroid hobbyists, exotica, sunbathing groups, male models, leather and rubber apparel, restraint, male and female domination and bondage." So there.

The other thing about the Tortura album was that it was mentioned in a 1969 obscenity trial, United States v. Baranov which ruled against the album along with several pornographic mail-order publications. Could it have been Flag Publications themselves that were on trial?

Listening to Tortura, it's not much more than whipping sounds and lots of "Ooooh"s, "Ahhhh"s "Ohhhh"s. But hardly anything worth making a federal case over. These utterances are more like the commentary you would make at a 6 year old's crayon drawing than anything illicitly sensual. 

Yes, this even spawned a sequel LP

Tisch Bumbass

"Yes, you read right! This is the world-famous "Tisch-Bumbass". a real cool one man jazz band that requires absolutely no talent to play ---- just nerve....Beautifully hand-carved in Germany and made of the finest materials, your 'Tisch-Bum-bass' will survive the wildest parties." - Escapade Magazine, August 1962.

The wildest parties. (You know? The ones with pretzels?)

This was Escapade Magazine, August 1962. I was born in 1968. So my takeaway from reading this was teasers like her in 1962 were hopelessly drawn to guys who can play the pie pan. tambourine, bicycle horn, cedar block, and cowbell simultaneously. It must've been a magical time. Like hair metal. Until the Beatles showed up....

A tisch (or "table") bumbass (also known as a Stumpf Fiddle or Devil's Stick) is a smaller version of a Medieval European headache-on-a-stick. It's essentially How Many Noisemakers Can You Put On One Thing? You might have seen it at carnivals and circuses (or wherever clog dancing is allowed.)

Mail Order Mania