The Classic Public School Pizza Recipe

Long derided by snooty food critics entirely too old to be eating in school cafeterias anyway, The classic American Public School Pizza is a beloved treat of generations of American elementary school kids.

In fact, I looked forward to pizza day so much, by second grade, I began devising new ways of getting extra slices. Flattery and fresh picked flowers for the lunch ladies worked. At the expense of my reputation with my classmates. But I'm not the kind to burp and tell.

But this rectangular treat has all but vanished from many modern school lunchroom menus. Replaced by bland, "healthy" foods.

The recipe had been preserved on schoolpizzarecipe.com, but this site has been offline. However, I got the recipe off Internet Archive and here it is for your drooling pleasure.

Crust:  

• 2 ⅔ flour
• ¾ cup powdered milk
• 2 T sugar
• 1 packet of quick rise yeast
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 ⅔ cup warm water (105-110 degrees)
• 2 T vegetable oil

Filling:

½ pound ground chuck

½ tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

1 8oz block mozzarella cheese – grated yourself (To be authentic school pizza, you will have to use imitation mozzarella shreds.)

Sauce (Make sauce the day before):

• 6oz can tomato paste
• 1 cup water
• ⅓ olive oil
• 2 cloves garlic minced
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp pepper
• ½ tbsp dried oregano
• ½ tbsp dried basil
• ½ tsp dried rosemary crushed

Crust:

1. Preheat oven to 475 degrees. Spray pan with Pam and lay Parchment paper down (Pam makes it stick)
2. In a large bowl – flour, powdered milk, sugar, yeast, salt – whisk to blend
3. Add oil to hot water (110-115 degrees) – pour into your mixture
4. Stir with a wooden spoon until batter forms – don’t worry about lumps – you just want no dry spots
5. Spread dough into pan using fingertips until it’s even.  If dough doesn’t want to cooperate, let rest 5 minutes and try again
   1. Bake just the crust for 8-10 minutes – remove from oven and set aside.
6. Brown meat until it resembles crumbles – set aside and drain meat
7. Get out the pizza sauce – to partially baked crust, assemble:
   1. Sauce – spread all over crust
   2. Sprinkle meats
   3. Sprinkle cheese
   4. Bake at 475 degrees for 8-10 minutes until cheese melts and begins to brown
   5. Remove from oven – let stand 5 minutes
   6. Cut in slices and serve.

Some of you may opt for gluten-free flour and real cheese, but that's missing the beauty of school lunch pizza, it's supposed to be a sinful treat.

Enjoy! 

The Last 78 RPM Records

"Gwendolyne" Julio Iglesias (1970, Colombia) Image: Discogs

What was the last 78 RPM record?

I've been asked this question now and then and to be perfectly honest, the 78 RPM speed is still with us. Mostly for collectors items and not as general releases. But it does occasionally surface.


But as general releases, 78 RPM was largely passe in America by 1957. In 1957, sales of 78 RPM records accounted for 4,500,000 units in 1957. In 1958, it plummeted to less than 500,000, less than 5% of overall sales and the writing was on the wall.

"Fannie Mae" Buster Brown (1959)  This is considered one of the last commercial American pop singles released at 78 RPM. Image: 45 Worlds. However, there were some 78s pressed on budget labels and independents well into the early 1960s .

But it still had a visible, if fading market for children's records (mostly because kids inherited hand-me-down phonographs from their parents and many kids phonographs also still had that speed.)

Phonola Record Player, 1950s -60s Note the case is pure Vanity Fair/Imperial Party Time, but the tone arm is a plastic gramophone reproducer that used steel needles. These players (which also sold under Woolworth's house brand, Audition) had two speeds, 45 and 78 (which were the speeds of most kids records available at that time, 45 by the 1970s, but many 78s from the '50s and '60s. still existed.) These players were sold well into the early 1970s. Image: Etsyspot

But what I'm going to focus on here is what were the last general release singles worldwide at 78 RPM.

Image: 

While 78 RPM was all but abandoned in America, (save for certain budget, independent, promo releases and oddities (The "Just Like Gene Autry; A Foxtrot" track on Moby Grape's Wow album is one example.) In South America, 78 RPM was still in use until the early '70s for certain pop releases.

"Jolie" Latimore (1973, Brazil) Image: Discogs

 In the UK, 78 RPM was still being used for kids records.

Image: Discogs

Here's one from the Soviet Union, circa 1979.

Image: Discogs

 But by this time also, 4 and 3 speed record changers were in twilight and practically non-existent outside a very select range of high-end turntables in the '80s and '90s.

"September Song" Ian McCulloch (1984, UK) An unusual offering from Ian McCulloch, New Wave legend and frontman of Echo & The Bunnymen, best known for their hit "The Killing Moon", The flip side had a longer version of "September Song" and "Molly Malone (Cockles and Mussels)" and played at 45 RPM. Image: Discogs

"You're The One For Me, Fatty" Morrissey (1992, UK) Image: Discogs. Morrissey was the former lead singer of the British pop group The Smiths, best known for their 1984 alternative rock mega hit "How Soon Is Now". In 1992, he released a few 78s with selections from his solo album Your Arsenal.

"Millennium" Robbie Williams (2000, UK) Limited Edition of 999 numbered copies issued to commemorate the opening of the new HMV store in Oxford Street, London. Image: Discogs

The speed reemerged in the 2000s on some newer Crosley type junk players for playing old 78s. But some better quality turntables also began including it as the vinyl renaissance swept the country and anything with grooves fascinated Millennial hipsters. But most turntables still offer only the standard 33/45 speeds.

So to sum up, the last official general release new Western pop single on 78 that isn't a reissue, novelty, oddity, collector's item or promo is one that may never truly be known, even among collectors and they're still searching. The 1973 Brazilian Latimore 78 mentioned above is the most recent I've seen yet. I have heard of others that extend into the disco era, but I've never seen any as of this writing.

"Terraplane Blues" Robert Johnson (2019 Record Store Day reissue) Image: Discogs

Portable And Car Audio Demonstration Cassettes

In the early days of portable cassette machines, late 1960s and early 1970s cassette decks often came with demonstration tapes. These were mostly public domain songs, such as "Little Brown Jug" and "Michael Row The Boat Ashore" or specially composed material, often with the second side blank for the customer or purchaser to test the recorder with. But several manufacturers from National/Panasonic, Sanyo and Sony made these cassettes.

Listen here

Below is a later '70s version, featuring a disco rendition of Mozart's 40th Symphony.

Listen here

Most Sanyo as well as other makes of portables had cheap top control mechanisms, which required the cassette to be loaded upside down. So Sanyo issued their '70s demonstration cassettes with upside down labels, a practice rarely used outside of children's tapes (the Fisher Price, Superscope Storyteller and Teddy Ruxpin cassettes all had upside down labels.)

Listen here

Listen here All images above: Internet Archive

By the 1980s, the focus shifted from '60s J-Pop renditions of "Red River Valley" to exciting ambient stereo sound with personal cassette players like the Sony Walkman.



As the 1980s rolled on, fewer electronics manufacturers were including demonstration cassettes with their portable decks. But there was one sector of the electronics market that not only embraced the demonstration cassette, but almost made it a science; The car stereo sector.

The GM Delco/Bose car audio systems were especially ambitious. They were the gold standard of 1980s car audio and their demonstration cassettes often came on premium normal or chrome tape. The music selections were varied, but mostly non-rock.

These auto demonstration cassettes were also made by Ford for their car stereos. The heyday of the car stereo demonstration cassette ended as CDs had began to become the audiophile standard and the last car stereo demonstration cassettes were made in the 1990s.

1992 Chrysler Audio System. Image:: eBay

Mystery Food: Deep Sea Finger Lobster

What was this?

I saw this 1977 Sizzler ad on Pinterest and it gave me a flashback to this 1983 commercial.

I’m not an expert at seafood (I’m actually allergic to it and I'm also revolted by the smell.) But even back then, this sounded suspicious. Because I have never heard of this type of lobster before. Ever.

And I’ve never heard of it since. So what was it? Lobsters shaped like an obscene gesture?

My first hunch then and the one I still hold now was baby lobsters. The inevitable trawler bycatch that wouldn’t satisfy any serious hardcore lobster lover. But served in quantity with a mouthwatering new name and target it to trendy young adults? New menu item.

So I did some research. And this is what I came up with under “Deep Sea Finger Lobster”: Nothing.

No scientific Latin name, no sub-species listing. No taxology of any kind.

As far as I know, they were only sold at Sizzler restaurants. However some have mentioned other places where this was available.

Any clues?

Can't Get This Stuff No More: Discontinued Grocery Items of the '50s to the '90s

Electric Banana Phonograph

Mall Of 1974 by Mall Music Muzak

Remember real shopping music? Before the music over shopping mall PA systems became a mishmash of Adult Contemporary recurrents and tired, overplayed '80s oldies?

The music was always more welcoming because it was agnostic. It wasn't someone's favorite music. Or anyone's. It was that stuff that you heard just slightly below the general din of a typical day inside a shopping mall.

You don't know headaches until you've just heard Bon Jovi music playing in the echo chamber of an empty shopping mall. You just don't.

Because the malls acoustically are/were the worst places for contemporary pop/rock music of ANY kind. I soon realized this after the malls started changing their background music from easy listening to pop music from 1987 to 1990. And I soon had a renewed appreciation for orchestras with pianos and lots of big brassy instruments. 

Photo: Long Island '70s Kid

Because shopping malls have/had hard surfaces. The glass storefronts, marble floors and walls, fountains, the weird metal abstract art sculptures and high vaulted courtyard ceilings all reflect sound. Acoustically, they were just better tempered for low volume Percy Faith than mid-volume Paula Abdul. Pop/rock booms in malls with a cathedral-like echo that's sometimes disorienting. Some people can't process that and the person next to them talking through the echo as well as the older easy listening and I'm one of them. Now get off my lawn.

But now you can relive that golden sound as you browse through the Amazon app on your smartphone! Mall Of 1974 is essentially a nifty compilation of classic mall PA music. But also with added echo and reverb to simulate the sound of a shopping mall, circa 1970s/early '80s.

Enjoy!

Philosophy of The World by The Shaggs (Third World Recordings, 1969)

If you've never heard of this album, you might not be ready for it.


You may have grown up in the 1960s and thought you heard everything the 1960s had to offer. But if you haven't heard this album, you still haven't heard it all.

The Shaggs were Dorothy "Dot" Wiggin, Helen Wiggin and Betty Wiggin (and later, Rachel Wiggin), four sisters from Fremont, New Hampshire. They were formed as a group not under their own initiative, but by their dad, Austin Wiggin Jr.. His mother predicted Austin would marry a strawberry blonde woman and they would have daughters who would become a world famous music group.

The first two predictions came true. Austin married a strawberry blonde woman, Annie. And they had daughters. So Austin Wiggin Jr. set about making the third come true. He bought his daughters a drum kit and two guitars. And that was it. No formal lessons in playing or singing. They were on their own musically.

As a result, The Shaggs evolved, um, differently....

The Shaggs played live around the Fremont area. But the audiences weren't exactly thrilled by what they heard and often threw things at the band. It didn't matter. Austin Wiggin was going to make his girls stars. So he took the next step; Recording an album.

Austin Wiggin pulled out most of his savings to finance the album. They went to Boston and recorded Philosophy of The World on the independent Third World Recordings label. They pressed 1,000 copies of Philosophy of The World.

And 900 of them promptly disappeared. As with the head of Third World Recordings. Most of the remaining 100 copies went to radio stations, some of which escaped into the wild (as radio promo copies of albums often did.) Only one single was released, "My Pal Foot-Foot"(Foot-Foot was the name of Dot Wiggin's cat.)

To this day, no one knows what happened to those 900 missing album copies (or Foot-Foot.)

Or (as some wonder) if they were even printed.

 

Philosophy of The World has been called one of the worst records of all time. But Frank Zappa and Kurt Cobain called Philosophy of The World one of their favorite albums of all time. But who would even unleash such an album? Beat timing? Song structure? Performing on key? Big production? Artistic lyrics? FAH! Overrated.

But the reality was the Wiggin girls only went with what they honestly knew, which wasn't much. But they made the best of it to appease their father (although one could imagine the conflicts that must have went on between the girls and their dad at times were as bad as their music.) And the fact they weren't pretentious or egotistical lyrically (the song topics were about pets, sports cars, Halloween and random musings) made them just as inspiring. They became the godmothers of DIY punk and outsider music.

It's been said The Velvet Underground and Nico had 30,000 initial copies pressed and everyone who bought a copy started a band. The Shaggs pressed 1,000 copies of Philosophy of The World, lost 900 of them and still had the same effect. But Philosophy of The World, by all odds should never have survived.

The few copies that escaped quickly became collector's items initially not for their value, but for their weirdness. And their rarity has made the original LPs extremely valuable.

The Shaggs stayed together as an act until 1975. They did make an unreleased second album and on this one, there was studio help at last Their act had become famous once again when Boston rock station WBCN began playing tracks from Philosophy of The World as a joke, the album began getting renewed interest. Comedy radio host Dr. Demento also played tracks from Philosophy of The World on his syndicated radio show, which further interested/shocked listeners. When the jazz group NRBQ discovered them, they talked the Shaggs into re-releasing Philosophy of The World in 1980.

It was released on CD in 1999 on RCA Records.