History's Dumpster = GLORIOUS trash! Kitsch, music, fashion, food, history, ephemera, and other memorable and forgotten, famous and infamous pop culture junk and oddities of yesterday and today. Saved from the landfill of time...
Imagine a digital cable/satellite type TV service with channels and shows you’ve never seen before with a great selection of movies that you can take with you and watch anywhere you have an internet connection. And (the sweet part), it’s actually free.
Welcome to Pluto TV. Available on your computer at Pluto TV and on Roku, Android and iOS apps. As well as your Playstation/XBox
Pluto TV is a cord-cutter’s dream. Hundreds of channels, some with programming you’ve never seen before, or haven’t seen in years or even decades. There’s dozens of movie channels in every genre, from documentaries to horror. Sports channels, news channels, and music channels, including digital audio-only channels in genres from Jazz (Cool Ch. 982.) Classic R&B (Pure Soul, Ch, 978) Adult Standards (Ratpack Ch. 974) Hair Metal (The Strip, Ch. 971), etc.
But Pluto isn’t like Comcast (there are caveats.) First, Pluto doesn’t offer your local TV channels. Second, some of the news programming, such as the CNN and the NBC News Pluto channels aren’t live. This won’t do for a hardcore breaking news junkie like me. But if you’re just a casual news watcher, it should be fine. The stories and shows are usually from earlier in the day on the CNN and NBC feeds. There are live feeds of Cheddar and the suspicious RT America. The other thing is a strong high-speed internet connection is vital to the Pluto experience.
The movie channels are mostly 2nd tier films, but still entertaining. (I watched What’s Eating Gilbert Grape for the first time since 1993.) The thing here is most Pluto channel programming - including the on demand movies, have commercials.
There’s food channels, home improvement channels, some religious and a wide selection of sports channels (I’m not a huge sports fan, so I’m guessing the boxing matches at 3am aren’t live either.) Several all comedy, geek, Latinx and children’s programming channels are offered as well.
But if it’s HBO, Showtime and Cinemax you’re looking for, that’s not here. But the Pluto movie channels are acceptable, but the commercial break transitions are a tad jarring. However, the film returns to the last few seconds of the last scene prior to the break. So that helps as you’re running to the kitchen for the bag of chips.
The channels are laid out on a standard digital grid with current/upcoming programming listed. On Roku at first glance, you couldn’t distinguish this from your average cable/satellite grid.
Some of Pluto’s more unique channels:
Ch. 007 Pluto 007 - All classic James Bond films in random order.
Ch. 591 THC (The High Channel) - If you’re into the cannabis lifestyle, THC is your TV. It’s programmed for today’s modern stoner.
Ch. 597 SLOW TV - If you ever fantasized being a Norwegian train engineer, this channel is heaven. 24 hours a day, it’s the cab view of a Norwegian locomotive along the rails of Norway. And that’s it. 24/7.
It’s
a nifty sub-cable system if you already have cable. And a decent
alternative if you’re off the cord. But the fact you can take Pluto
anywhere on your smartphone, tablet, gaming or PC computer makes it a
must have in periods of boredom. Just surfing around Pluto is fun. Enjoy!
On Saturday nights at 11:15pm in early 1971, after the 11PM evening newscast was over and the older folks were likely going to bed or watching the last late movies on other channels. KIRO TV & Radio in Seattle, Washington got psychedelic with their briefly run locally produced live music TV show series Telephonic Happening.
With then contemporary rock hits such as "Black Magic Woman/Gyspy Queen" Santana, "My Sweet Lord" George Harrison and "Honey Tonk Women" Rolling Stones and Matthews Southern Comfort's rendition of "Woodstock" (not heard on this clip) and guest appearances on this surviving episode by local acts Adam Wind and Cold Trane, Telephonic Happening was presented in experimental 4 channel Quadraphonic sound with color psychedelic visuals, filters, imagery and garden gnomes courtesy of local psychedelic light show producers, Retina Circus on the TV screen for freaky visuals.
It was a bold and overlooked first in broadcasting because unlike the pioneering Quad radio broadcasts, which began at Classical stations WGBH and WCRB in Boston in 1969, used the Stereo signals of the two FM radio stations, thus requiring two costly FM stereo receivers to hear the full program in Quad sound.
The experimental KIRO Quad system in Seattle for this program used all three of their AM/FM and TV signals. And it was awkward and uneven sounding. But it was simple, had a visual component and used equipment you already had; Your TV tuned to KIRO-TV 7 in front of you for a mono front-center channel and visual stage. An FM Stereo radio with separating speakers (tuned to KIRO-FM's then-frequency of 100.7 MHz) with the speakers placed directly at your left and right sides. And for the rear speaker, your AM tabletop or portable radio set to KIRO-AM (710 kHz) for Quad sound in an unusual diamond shaped pattern that probably would have impressed Pink Floyd if they saw it.
And at the very birth of the home theater experience, you took whatever you could get.
But psychedelia, rock music and experimental visual and audio voodoo in diamond patterns were not things KIRO was particularly known for back then. Owned then by Bonneville, the media division of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, neither KIRO-AM or FM even played rock music either in 1971. Which makes this all the more interesting an artifact.
Unfortunately, the audio on this clip is in mono.
The elegant sounding announcer you hear on this clip is the late Hal Willard. For decades, he was "Mr. Announcer Man" at KIRO-TV who read the weather reports during the J.P. Patches morning show.
.
Listen at the end of the Telephonic Happening program where he recommends you send a postcard to the station telling them your requests and suggestions for future Telephonic Happening programs, but "suggest gently"....
Kenner Kiddie Fondue was an insulated plastic pot with fondue made with special packages of artificially flavoured melting chocolate inside a three compartment tray and heated by hot water in the red pot. Kids can then dip the mini-marshmallows in it and it was all fun and as close as they could get to those Saturday evening parties their parents would have when they would all smoke funny cigarettes with their friends in the living room around the real fondue pot.
This was made by Kenner when it was owned by General Mills. They were seeing some kind of synergy between both sides of their food/toy portfolio. (The Easy Bake Oven was another Kenner product.)
It came in chocolate, vanilla and cherry flavoured chips, which you poured into a three compartment tray.
Today, I'm going to give folks in other states and around the world a primer into the world of legal marijuana here in Washington State. In Colorado, the rules and particulars are pretty much the same with not too many variables. And future state legalization laws and the cannabis sales systems in other states will likely follow ours and our friends in Colorado's example.
Support for legalizing recreational marijuana is spreading. And there is a lot of curiosity about it. Especially amongst those who are completely inexperienced with cannabis. Or haven't used it in many years in other states and countries. Or haven't used in many years, or even decades.
To help give cannabis users of all stripes an idea of the new world of legal recreational marijuana that is coming nation wide. And yes, that includes new users too. I'm going to talk about legal marijuana here in Washington State. Consenting adults have the right to choose and have proper information given to them to help make informed choices. "Just say no" is not a choice. (And terrible manners too. Why not just politely say "No, thank you"?)
I-502 And it's Effect
Recreational marijuana has been legal in Washington State for nearly three years and we've learned this much:
1. The world didn't end.
2. Marijuana is safer than alcohol
3. The crime level has fallen significantly.
4. The state economy is booming with thousands of new jobs and hundreds of new businesses. With more opening weekly.
5. Tourism has increased.
6. Drug and alcohol overdose rates have fallen dramatically.
When marijuana was legalized in Washington State, social conservatives automatically assumed the worst. They predicted millions of stoners laying about on the dole, eating chips and watching Netflix all day long. And stoned out drivers clogging up the highways. And the stoners would be demanding the legalization of cocaine, heroin, crack and meth.
Absolutely NONE of that has happened here.
And as far as the so-called "gateway drugs" are concerned, that's usually the salt, sugar and high fructose corn syrup in nearly everything and/or the caffeine in coffee and sodas. To say nothing of alcohol and tobacco. Are we going to ban these things?
Good luck with that.
Bottom line; The legalization of recreational cannabis in Washington and Colorado in 2012 was an experiment in social freedom gone wonderfully right. And the critics were wrong.
More states have legalized. Alaska is the latest state to legalize recreational marijuana. Washington DC has also legalized it and California and Vermont may be next. Expect more in all but the most extremely conservative states in the next 10-20 years. But even they will fall with time.
And finally, marijuana is a plant. It is NOT a "drug". Coffee is a plant. It contains a mind altering, sometimes disorientating substance (caffeine). Yet coffee is not called a "drug". Why is cannabis?
You can effectively end the underground black market, the dangerous synthetic drugs, increase tax revenue and help stamp out the gangs and drug cartels while SAVING resources, untold billions in tax dollars and unclogging courts and prisons. With common sense regulations and taxation. Like here in Washington State.
And I'll admit while I-502, which legalized recreational marijuana in Washington State was an excellent decision on the part of voters, the bill left a LOT to be desired and it's very heavy handed, I'm hoping the law will eventually be amended to reflect the actual realities of today's cannabis user rather than decades of false and negative stereotypes.
Preparing:
An excellent source of information, including dispensary menu prices, selection and where to buy is Leafly. Leafly is one of the very best sources of information about cannabis and related products available online and your first stop before you shop. It's full of information on the various strains/products, their availability, dispensaries in areas around the US where both medical and recreational cannabis is legal, plus current news and feature articles.
And the Leafly information pages on the various cannabis strains/products are generally spot on with the descriptiveness of them and their effects.
There is also WeedMaps, which is more Washington State specific.
They often have the menu selection for each dispensary. Be aware that some dispensaries that affiliate with Leafly may not have menus available on WeedMaps or vice versa. And some dispensaries don't publish their menus online at all. Or keep them updated. But most do. Also read the reviews for each dispensary.
(Note: Some dispensaries also do not publish their prices online. That's because prices can also fluctuate depending on availability of some products.) It's not like a convenience store, where you can find the same products in each store day after day.
The Dispensaries:
First, many of you who smoke pot illegally in your state have probably never seen an actual recreational cannabis dispensary. Or have any clue of what one looks like.
Most look something like this.
The big video screens in most dispensaries have the current menu selection and other information. Worth a glance.
They are professional retail establishments. But mostly obscure, hidden in light industrial zones and office parks. You'll never see big flashy signs, they're required to keep a low visual profile on their facades. But they are very clean and very safe. Not much different than a finer shop of any kind. Their staffs are often really friendly people.
The products are always sold from behind the counters. There are no consumer accessible shelves. This is for security reasons. And required by law.
Recreational cannabis can be an intimidating thing to buy if you're not used to it. Even for longtime cannabis users like myself were when I first started shopping at a legal dispensary. On the streets where it's illegal, you got what you could get off the streets with questionable potency (too low for some people, too high for others.)
Now we have a full market selection of not only THC levels, different strains and even flavors of pot to smoke. But the different gourmet food and drink products as well as concentrates.
You can vape it in special oils through an e-cigarette. You can eat it in specially made candies and cookies. You can drink it in infused drinks. And there are other cannabis products.
If you're new to dispensaries:
- You MUST be 21 or older to purchase at or even enter a recreational marijuana dispensary in Washington State. There is a doorman/woman at most dispensaries (some have locked access doors and they have to unlock it before you can come in.) They are there to make sure you're of age. Legal marijuana dispensaries are very classy, upstanding places and they pride themselves on maintaining that image.
- Don't be shy. Or scared. You don't need any special card. Or have to sign up for anything or join any club. After you're screened at the door, just walk in. Someone will always greet you.
- Most dispensaries also sell heatproof glass smoking pipes, bongs, vaporizer systems and of course, lighters. If you prefer pre-rolled, they have those too in selected varieties (they cannot open a bag and roll any for you. However you can buy a grinder and rolling papers at most dispensaries and do it yourself at home.)
- Don't be embarrassed by the selection. Marijuana comes in many varieties. Each strain of cannabis or cannabis infused product has a different effect and level of THC content. Pre-rolls tend to have the lowest. BHO waxes the highest.
There are three main varieties of cannabis that you should know about.
Hybrids - Hybrids are "the best of both worlds". They have both distinct body and head highs and can vary from one type to another.
If you're not sure of anything, ask for the best sellers on the menu.
Be aware of this:
- You can't legally buy more than an ounce of smokable recreational marijuana from a dispensary. There are also limits to edibles and concentrates. Always ask before you buy a larger amount of these.
- There are also no free samples. Don't ask.
- Please be aware that the dispensary staff cannot legally give you any medically related advice. So don't be offended if they rebuff any medically related question. That's not what they are there for. Only your doctor can help you in that category. Please understand and respect this.
- Taking selfies or photos in/of the interior and around the premises without express permission from management is frowned upon. Always ask first before you whip out your phone. Even though cannabis is legal here, many users are still sensitive to their privacy. Please respect that.
- You also can't consume cannabis in any form anywhere on or near the premises of a dispensary. They are not hangouts. Feel free to browse the selection, ask questions and buy. But you can't stay and consume anything there.
The Selection:
Pre-packaged recreational cannabis and cannabis product come in thick plastic, foil backed, vacuum sealed packages. It preserves the freshness of the cannabis and unopened, it can keep for a few years. They are also foil-backed for security reasons.
You have to remember this is not your uncle's stash. This is Top Shelf stuff. No stems or seeds. And quality product. All prices include tax.
You might notice 3.5 grams (on the streets, it's called an "eighth" or 1/8th of an ounce and the standard street distribution amount) for $60 for some popular strains is a LOT to pay for good cannabis (on the street, eighths usually sold for $40 and there are eighths that still sell for $40 at most dispensaries.) Some products however do not come in sizes higher than 2 grams. Check for availability.
But the good thing going in the legal market out here is you know exactly what you're getting, it's very high quality and the weight is correct. Plus you have a wide selection of products and prices. So you're not getting ripped off. If $60 is too expensive, look for lower cost eighths. But $40 is usually the lowest price for an eighth of cannabis in most recreational dispensaries.
Flowers
Also called "buds", this is the prime cannabis product and the vast majority of what is sold. There are hundreds of varieties of sativas, indicas and hybrids to choose from. They are sold in 1 gram, 2 gram, 3.5 gram and 7 gram (quarter ounce) packages and also in pre-rolled packages. Again sizes and availability differ from product to product and place to place
Storing Cannabis Cannabis, like tobacco, tea, coffee or any other plant based material needs to be stored in an airtight container and in a cool dark place away from sunlight. Black plastic 35mm film canisters were often the best for storing small amounts. But any good, airtight container will do.
Advanced Cannabis Products
Eating Cannabis Infused Products:
If you've never tried them before, eating a cannabis product is like eating any other brownie, cookie or candy. Kick back. Relax....You won't feel a thing at first. But depending on your metabolism, you'll be feeling the effects anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours. And when you start to feel it, it will be instant. Like "Hit you like a train" instant. You'll be talking with someone in mid conversation and suddenly, everything will get funny. Or you'll forget what you were just talking about.
It might not be the thing you want to happen in public though. The sudden high can go in any direction. But some people can get panicky and/or really disoriented (and sometimes both when you're in a crowded party full of strangers.) It can get really scary and bum your whole trip. So stay in a nice comfy place with good friends or by yourself if you're new to the edibles and drinks.
Be aware the edibles are usually very expensive. But they're usually also very potent. You may think four small candies for $12 is crazy. But eat just one of these and you won't.
Vape Pens:
The vape pen concentrates are not for lightweights. With a 40% - 80%+ THC content, it's for the advanced stoner.
The packages containing vape oil cartridges look like hardly anything (the photo of the vape cartridge above is only slightly smaller than actual size) and a total rip off for $35-60 or more. But this isn't plant material, it's concentrated THC.
Since pure vaping oil is VERY thick, use a 350 mAh, 510 thread e-cigarette battery, which is the best power for these cartridges. Higher regular e-cigarette ones, 650 mAh and above, can ruin them. You can find these for cheap on eBay and other sources for $7-25.
These are pure cannabinoids you're inhaling, not burning plant material or e-liquid. So the clouds won't be as fluffy when you exhale like with e-cigarette liquid. Take gentle tokes and inhale it slowly and hold it as long as you can. You may not even see any significant vapor when you exhale, but give it a few seconds and you WILL feel it.
The vaping oil cartridges are very strong concentrates. And stealth too. You can puff them almost anywhere discreetly. That's why they're so popular today. But as always, be careful.
BHO wax
- BHO
BHO (or "dabbing") is smoked through a special pipe that requires a blowtorch. I don't have any personal experience with this method. Besides, that's a lot to buy and prepare when all you simply want is a good stone.
For this, I defer to the Ultimate Cannabis Authority; High Times magazine.
Another thing to remember is BHO waxes are extremely strong, 70% THC and beyond. It's absolutely not for the squeamish.
Finally
If you're a cannabis user living in a state or country where cannabis is illegal, join a pro-cannabis legalization group (Google for the ones in your state/country.) Get to know your state/country's laws on cannabis and volunteer to collect signatures to put a legalization bill on the ballot in your state/country. Or donate money to help the cause.
We live in changing times today. Public attitudes about marijuana are changing in favor of legalization. And it's important we keep fighting the good fight for cannabis legalization nationwide and around the world. And vigorously defend our rights once it is legalized.
And the best defense is to always set a good example of responsibility.
There are forces who will do anything to push us back into the dark ages of prohibition for nothing more than vicarious control over the lives of people who disagree with them and we must never allow that. Because if they can succeed in doing that, they will be emboldened to attack other rights we fought long and hard to gain (such as LGBT rights, which they already are.)
But for now, let's light up and celebrate what we have gained. Which is a LOT compared to even 3 years ago. But never give up the fight.
Phil Phillips is best known for the 1959 ballad "Sea of Love", which got a revival in 1984 when it was covered by The Honeydrippers, a supergroup featuring Robert Plant and Jimmy Page (of Led Zeppelin), Nile Rodgers (of Chic) and Brian Setzer (of The Stray Cats.) But he had largely faded by 1968 when this anti-drug single came out.
In spite of all intentions, it became an underground radio comedy classic.
I've never came forward with this publicly beyond my inner
circle of friends and a few family members. But the suicide of Robin
Williams yesterday hit just a little too close to home.
And
I have a confession to make; I suffer from chronic depression with
suicidal tendencies with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and anxiety. (I also have Asperger's and Cogan's Syndrome.)
There. I've said it.
It's
not easy to come clean with any kind of mental illness. It's like a gay
person publicly coming out of the closet. You just don't know what to
expect. Will people you've been very close to begin avoiding you? Will
they try and overcompensate for any perceived wrongdoings on their part
(which is just as disturbing as avoidance.)
Or will
they begin to take advantage of you, mock you, condescend you and use
what you are as a weapon against you? Or in more egregious cases, to
take control of you?
Having lived with this since I
was a teenager (although I remember having symptoms, including suicidal
thoughts as young as 5), it's nothing you just "get over".
Everyone
has problems. Everyone hurts. But most people bounce back and carry on.
People with depression cannot do this without therapy, if at all. They
live with a low self-esteem, and a constant feeling of hopelessness and
worthlessness that cannot be overcome by personal achievements, success
or popularity. For me, it's life behind two-way glass. You know others
see something remarkable in you. But you don't. You just see a
reflection of the same person you wished was never born.
Robin
Williams is an example of this. He was one of the most successful,
popular and beloved comedians in history. He had everything. He could do
whatever he wanted. But he still couldn't do what most people take for
granted and that's feel it within himself. Money can't buy that. And there's no magical "happy pill" for it. If there was, I'd be eating those things like popcorn.
I
fought back tears all day today. Because I saw so much of myself in
Robin. Because we both used a sense of humour and a happy-go-lucky
personality to camouflage the real person underneath that thick veneer.
We wanted to be understood, but afraid of what would happen if someone
doesn't. Or even if they actually did.
I take several
pills daily, including Wellbutrin, Risperdal and Zoloft. I also smoke marijuana to relieve acute feelings of depression. Pills and cannabis alone do
nothing but control the brain chemical balances enough to where you can
function at a certain level. And it's only a small part of the
equation. It also takes therapy, friends, family and a routine to keep
you focused and someone to talk to when it gets too much.
For others, depression is so crippling that they cannot even leave their homes. And some rely on public assistance to get by.
You
just don't understand humiliation until someone tells you to "Suck it up!" Or "You're
faking it" or "You're lazy". Or "selfish", a "worry-wart" or any number
of insensitive and thoughtless things. I have actually been told "If you
want to die so bad, why don't you just kill yourself and rid the world
of another useless idiot like you". I'm embarrassed to say it, but there
are actually people like that in the world.
NOBODY wants
to live this way. I never raised my hand in second grade and said "When
I grow up, I want to have feelings of hopelessness and despair, to
fight back thoughts of killing myself daily and to take pills every day
to function at the most basic level of human existence."
Depression is not an alternative lifestyle. Depression is not a fun and easy lifestyle. It's the closest thing to hell in the human condition.
I wish I could say that the medications alone changed my life. That I could say that
things suddenly got brighter and life was suddenly worth living, that I could smile genuinely and feel the same happiness I see in others. But I can't. Even with the best medication and therapy, I still have to carry on with a void and emptiness nothing could fill. It's like feeling like you don't have a soul. You know you have one, you have empathy and compassion for others. You feel their pain, but you just can't describe your own. And that's what makes depression so hard to talk to people about. You feel so guilty and ashamed for needing anyone's help. And nobody likes a whiner.
So you take it out in one of two ways - some do it internally through self destruction. Or externally by lashing out at others.
Or the third way; Get help. I took things out internally. Even if they weren't my fault. And I'm
just learning to unlearn that behaviour. But it's going to take time I'm 45 now and I'm sure that had I not gotten
the help I did, I would not be here telling you this.
I still fight minute by minute with feelings of worthlessness. That
nobody cares about me (In fact, I generally feel that most people hate me, that I am unworthy of the time of day from them, let alone their attention.)
That I am not worth knowing or loving. And that everything would be
better if I just didn't exist. Not a day goes by that I don't think
of how much relief I would get from something that would suddenly end my life. And my pain.
It's hard to tell what is worse. The pain of dying or the pain of living. I have the worst of both worlds; The pain of living a dying life.
I have lived with this all my life. When I was 13, a family member went and dumped rocket fuel on a smoldering, but then containable fire with years of verbal and emotional abuse to the point I began attempting suicide in earnest (This is the source of my PTSD. And I have only spoken to this person only once and only through e-mail in the last 18 years.) I have been hospitalized many times from suicide attempts, several of them nearly successful, including a three week coma. Even psychiatry specialists were baffled
But another day comes and the sun rises. I take my pills and put on that happy-go-lucky facade. I find something weird or memorable and I talk about it here. And there are days I simply can't do that at all. In part because I also have arthritis and my joints hurt constantly, but much of the time, I'm too sad to talk about anything. It's my brain chemistry roller coaster in action.
There are also times the sky clears up and I feel some mediocre level of peace. I cherish those moments more than anything else whatsoever. Because they are so rare. But suddenly, I'm back down the spiral and I'm contemplating suicide again. It's crazy, I know. But please bear with me. Because this is the only life I have ever known.
I pray everyday the next day will be the one I feel okay. Or the one that never comes. The day I never wake up. But here I am still. For now.
Sometimes I wonder why I keep doing it. And is this my life? To give others what I can never feel inside? To put a smile on the faces of strangers when I can't smile at all or even feel the happiness that creates a sincere smile? Without being told to? It doesn't make sense.
Starting this blog is one of the ways I'm learning to cope with my depression. To create that "happy place" where I could escape without bringing everybody down. To touch on things we have forgotten or are unknown to others. I carried around most of this information for most of my life and here, I have an outlet to dump all that. As well as act as a distraction from the bad news of today with something positive. Or weird.
I don't like to talk about bad news here - especially about myself. But this is one of those rare moments I have to get a certain weight off my shoulders FTW.
But every once in a while, I get a message like this and for a little while, I feel like there's new hope.
It's hard for me to understand this effect I have on some people. I'm flattered by it but at the same time, confused by it. I never saw myself worthy of any kind of praise. I should be proud of myself. But I feel uncomfortable doing that. Who am I to wave my own flag? My denial sometimes gets to the point I actually think they are talking about someone else named Larry.
But in some small way, if I made someone's day in some small redundant way, I might have what it takes to carry on for the rest of the day. But I wake up again and I'm back at square one. Is this life worth carrying on? I feel like a time bomb.
But never forget this; Little things do mean a LOT to someone with depression. You can't fix depression. There is no cure for it and there's lot of trial and error to find the right treatment plan (the one I have is very limited in it's success. It keeps it barely under control, but not much else. At least I have that. Depression has different effects for different people and no two treatment plans are ever the same.)
Most of all, it takes very special people. Those with positively reinforcing energy (and it's not some special super-hero power. If you are anyone's friend, you already have it.)
I don't expect miracles. But I guess if I can't find internal happiness, I'll accept the next best thing, a momentary peace of mind. And just swing from limb to limb on those alone.
Maybe I will finally find a way to stop feeling like this.Maybe they will finally invent that "happy pill" that changes everything - if artificially. Or a brain surgery that removes the part that's hurting me.
I'll do anything. Just make it stop.
I know there are people who care and worry about me. People who would be devastated without me and tell me so. It is for those people I struggle to carry on for.
I'm trying to carry on. That's all I can do. But sometimes, it is so hard.....
