LSD: The Album

"Here Come The Judge" Pigmeat Markham (1968)

Whether or not this is the very first ever true rap song, a jury of hip-hop scholars will probably forever be out. But this is widely considered to be the earliest known prototype of the genre.

Dewey "Pigmeat" Markham (1904-1981) was a vaudeville comedian in the 1920s and '30s, later moving into acting and singing. He got the name "Pigmeat" from an early act of his, where he declared himself as "Sweet Poppa Pigmeat".

For decades, Markham's career was severely limited to only nightclubs and theatres that accepted black entertainers called the "Chitlin' Circuit", as Jim Crow racism and segregation was still dominant in every aspect of American life in those days. He was little known among white audiences until the 1960s when Pigmeat Markham released several comedy albums that crossed over. 

Sammy Davis Jr. performed the "Here Come The Judge" act on Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In. The success of Sammy Davis Jr.'s rendition of Markham's act later got Markham himself a deal to appear on Laugh-In for one season. The success of which spawned this single, which made it to #19 on the Billboard Top 40 charts in 1968.

Dark Shadows Barnabas' Music Box

Duz and Bonus Laundry Detergent

Once upon a time, you could buy a box of laundry detergent and get something really useful out of it besides a plastic scoop.

And during the 1950s and '60s, there was such a detergent. In fact, a few of them.

Duz and Bonus laundry detergents each offered a bonus goodie. Duz offered a free china plate, bowl, cups and later, glass tumblers in each box. Moms would then religiously buy Duz until their china set was complete.

They must have sold a lot of these dishes as today, they are still as ubiquitous as Herb Alpert records in any second hand store.

Bonus offered free bath towels.

It was like Cracker Jack for housewives.

Breeze was another line of detergent that offered premiums.

But tragically, Duz, Bonus and their many imitators stopped including extras in their products by the late 1960s. And without the goodies, these brands died off.

"Like A Rolling Stone" The Living Voices (1966)

The greatest version of this song. Ever.

L'eggs, L'aura & L'erin

Somewhere suspiciously next the ubiquitous L'eggs pantyhose display stand in any supermarket of the early '80 was the L'erin cosmetics stand.

Most people already figured this was a natural place to put the makeup. But for L'eggs, it was uniquely important; They owned L'erin.

L'eggs is a product of underwear conglomerate Hanes. They were introduced in 1969 with their famous plastic egg containers, which had zillions of uses (some women would keep jewelry in them, some people made arts and crafts out of them. In fact, some people bought them just for the big plastic egg containers, which sadly, they have long since phased out.)

Seeing an complimentary advantage to their very successful pantyhose line, in 1980, L'eggs created the L'aura cosmetics line.

Wait....What?

L'aura was the original name for L'erin. But everybody got it mixed up with that big French cosmetic conglomerate, L'Oreal. It was quickly renamed L'erin.


But L'erin cosmetics as a product? Well, the verdict wasn't good.

First, most women were used to the idea of makeup being a distinctly personal art. They wanted something glamourous and luxurious. And all other cosmetic companies were working overtime to accommodate this image.

But L'erin just wasn't that. At all. L'erin's commercial tag line for it's first few years was "Put Your Face On And Forget It". Which sounds like something their dads would say when he needed to use the bathroom.

L'erin was trying to be simpler and more practical, aiming for the young, active woman who wanted less drama and fuss in their makeup kits. But being sold primarily in supermarkets and discount stores (this wasn't exactly Estee Lauder), the cosmetically savvy ladies just weren't impressed. They viewed L'erin as cheap and chintzy.

And it was. The makeup quality itself was also notorious, as millions of raccoon-eyed girls staring back from their '80s high school yearbooks can testify. The mascara was clumpy right out of the bottle, the eyeliner and eye shadow ran under hot lights or in the hot sun. By this time, boys were getting into makeup (the Duran Duran thing and the first wave of glam metal had hit) and I remember girls experimenting on us with their once-used L'erin cosmetics....And then laughing their butts off when we walked outside on a hot day.

The eternal price of trying to be cool (Sigh!)

L'erin lasted until 1984. It was sold in 1983 by Consolidated Foods (now Sara Lee) to another makeup company and after a few attempts to resuscitate the brand, L'erin was discontinued. 

"TV" The Judy's (1981)

A lost indie pop classic, "TV" was a song by The Judy's, Texas' (Pearland, specifically) most famous New Wave band.

This song got airplay on some wavy Seattle radio stations and this was where I first heard this song. But being on a local Houston area independent label, getting a copy of their album Washarama was nearly impossible since the label didn't have any national distribution. But The Judy's were unquestionably popular in the Lone Star state in the early 1980s. Their other hits included "Guyana Punch", "Her Wave", "Grass is Greener" and "Milk"

And "TV" is perhaps the only song to ever mention Allied TV Rentals, which was a famous national TV rental company, where you rented TVs by the week. A model that grew into today's rent-to-own businesses, such as Rent-A-Center, ColorTyme and Aaron's. Allied TV Rentals itself however went out of business nationally in 1987.

In spite of some worthy press and incredibly catchy singles, The Judy's never got the national fame and chart success they deserved. However, they still maintain a website where you can order their albums. 

  

Frozen Sodas

Ooooooh....What's this?

Chills & Thills was a cherry and orange flavoured (artificially of course) frozen soda concentrate made from 1967-68 that was apparently targeted to those hip young people that were probably influenced by Timothy Leary. Or wanted to be.

You mixed it with tap water, which made it fizz into a thick foamy (and judging from the film degradation on these commercials, possibly psychedelically bright coloured) goo you ate with a spoon.....

....and once you hit brainfreeze, you begin acting like this lady.

But Chills & Thrills wasn't the first frozen soda concentrate. That distinction belongs to an earlier Bird's Eye product called Sodaburst.


Sodaburst was a frozen instant ice cream soda fountain drink made from 1963-64. It came in four flavours. All chocolate, "Black & White" (chocolate syrup and vanilla), Strawberry and Pineapple. Plus a scoop of vanilla ice cream in each one. Just add tap water.

The problem here likely, as mentioned in the TV ad, was the price. If it was too pricey, mom was not buying it. And chances are, it probably didn't taste very good.

The W.C. Fields Battery Tester

Reveal See Thru Roasting Wrap

Here's something you probably need this Thanksgiving that you'll also need a time machine to buy.

Reveal See Thru Roasting Wrap was a hybrid foil/plastic wrap product of Colgate/Palmolive of the 1970s. It essentially turned your oven into a rotisserie when you wrapped it around prime rib, ham, fish, turkey or chicken. The foil ends sealed everything, roasting everything in it's own juices.

The inner plastic was of a special heat resistant type. But being plastic, it could only be heated to a certain temperature. And even in those days, there was concern over chemicals in the plastic leaching out into your food.

Reveal disappeared off the grocery shelves by the late 1970s, but it was actually used in the restaurant business well into the mid '80s (I remember seeing this in some kitchens under a different name.)    

"Dancing In The Dark" Bruce Springsteen (12" Extended Remix, 1984)

It seemed like a good idea.

But Bruce Springsteen's music (and this song in particular) is the type that utterly clashed with the general type of the R&B infected New Wavy dance music that was popular in the dance clubs in 1984 this version was made for. No matter how much drum machine and strange background singers you put in it.
  
That might be why Bruce Springsteen himself has never re-released this version of "Dancing In The Dark" on any of his compilations.

And let's face it, it's a horrible remix.

Danka Toaster Pastries

Danka was a tragically named breakfast pastry for toasters that existed in the late 1960s and early '70s.


From the advertising, Danka was for your square, sensible middle aged person who wanted their toaster pastries to do more than pop up. (Well, what do you want them to do then? Your taxes?)

K-Tel Golf King

Horrifying Vintage Meal Ideas: Halloween Edition

Wheelee Board

The Wheelee Board (1977) unquestionably was the oddest skateboard. Ever.

With six wheels and a plastic board with the rear wheels set at an angle, it was designed for tricks. I haven't had much personal experience with skateboards of any kind, but I imagine one would have to be particularly deft in their skills to ride these things. Or suicidally insane.

Not much else is known about the Wheelee Board, except that it's apparently a joke in the skateboarder community.

Bottoms Up

One of the many politically incorrect drinking board games of the 1960s and '70s, Bottoms Up was a game produced by Colt 45 malt liquor.

The object was to accumulate 30 credits, thereby completing one year of college. All while drinking Colt 45 "bottoms up" wherever you land on a space or take a card requiring you to. (I would be shocked if anyone actually finished a game.)

Some of the action cards that you were required to do:

Smoke two cigarettes simultaneously
Obey any wish or request of the player on your right
Put an article of your clothes on backwards
Do a Jack Benny imitation for 30 seconds
Explain to other players why you think that sex before marriage is a necessity.

Obviously, this game was from a very different time.

Children's Disco Musical Stories (Venus, 1988)

It's not every day you run into disco versions of children's stories, especially South Asian ones. And one made eight years after disco fizzled out in America. But this cassette really exists. 


Listen Here

Rodney Allen Rippy

In 1973, Jack In The Box ran a TV commercial for it's Jumbo Jack burger featuring a cute little kid named Rodney Allen Rippy, who held the Jumbo Jack in his hands and said "It's too big to eat!". But being a little kid, it came out as "It's too big-a eat!". It became a national catch-phrase in 1973-1974.



 

This led to a 45 RPM single with Bell Records called "Take Life A Little Easier". At age five, he also became the youngest person ever to have a Billboard charting pop hit. A record that to this very day, remains unbroken.

So whatever happened to Rodney Allen Rippy?

Well according to his website, after his Jack In The Box commercial run, he starred in other commercials, including Nehi soda, Chevrolet and others. He graduated from California State University, Dominguez Hills in 1995.  He's taken on a few TV acting roles since his childhood stardom back in the early 1990s and appeared in the 2003 David Spade comedy Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star. He also hosted a Los Angeles radio talk show.

Contrary to many internet hoaxes and urban legends, Rodney Allen Rippy is still very much alive and well. He was badly injured in a bike crash in 2010, but he's fully recovered.

He's still active in the entertainment industry.