"Money" Big Jim Buchanan (1954)

The Love Song of The 1%

"Big Jim" Buchanan was an alter ego of Paul Frees, a legendary voice over actor, best known for his voices in several unforgettable Rankin-Bass cartoon and stop-animation holiday specials of the 1960s and '70s.

Lord Sutch And Heavy Friends (Cotillion, 1970)

Images: Discogs

Lord Sutch and Heavy Friends was named in a 1998 BBC poll as the worst album of all time, a status it also held in Colin Larkin's book The Top 1000 Albums of All Time.

Is it really that bad?

You decide...

Kellogg's Just Right Cereal

Kellogg's Just Right cereal was introduced in the USA in 1985. My mom bought a box and I remember us trying this, only getting a few bites in until we had to dump the rest of our bowls into the trash. It was nasty.

My peers in high school had the same opinion and we called it Just Sucks. The cereal was basically a fruitcake in a box. It had bran flakes, corn flakes, dates, raisins, almond bits and oats and pretty much targeted at the yuppie bunch.

This cereal had a massive ubiquitous TV advertising campaign for it (perhaps the largest I had ever seen for a cereal) and discount offers that moms of that time couldn't resist. But everyone under the age of 30 hated this commercial as much as the cereal because it was guaranteed to pop up at least 4 times an hour during daytime TV, it was nearly as bad during prime time and late at night too in 1985. It was everywhere on every channel.

But unbeknownst to the rest of us, this commercial would ironically be the launch pad for the career of one of the biggest pop stars of the '90s.


(For years, I thought Tori Amos' 1994 hit "Cornflake Girl" was her way of venting her angst over this commercial and the disgusting taste of that cereal that never seemed to go away. An interpretive sort of thing. But that wasn't the case. The interpretive venting over this disgusting cereal was probably Y Kant Tori Read.) 

Just Right cereal was discontinued in America in the early '90s, but it's still sold in Australia.

   

A Free Stimu From Dr. Hook (Free 1975 Promo 45)

A lost early sampler for Dr. Hook's 1975 LP Bankrupt. This was a free giveaway on record store counters to demonstrate the LP to potential buyers.

Bankrupt was Dr. Hook's first LP on Capitol Records. With their name shortened to simply "Dr. Hook" from the clunkier "Doctor Hook & The Medicine Show". The album contained their hits "Only Sixteen" (a cover of the Sam Cooke classic ) and "I Got Stoned And I Missed It."

Album & single images: Discogs

 

Black Rose: Cher's Lost Rock Album

Black Rose was a rock group Cher sang lead vocals for. Most people and many of Cher's own fans aren't even aware of this album because it's never listed amongst most Cher discographies. And for collectors, it's a holy grail to find the original 1980 Casablanca vinyl release with record, jacket and sleeve in pristine condition. Only 400,000 copies were sold worldwide.

In 1980, Cher was romantically involved with rock guitarist Les Dudek and this led to the musical collaboration that became Black Rose. Cher had just released two disco records for Casablanca in 1979, Take Me Home and Prisoner. But Black Rose was different. It wasn't disco, it was actually something closer to a mainstream rock album for that time.

On the album, Cher sang vocals, but only appeared in a group photo on the back of the LP.

She was not even mentioned on the cover. Cher and Dudek were conscientiously trying to avoid the spotlight on Cher and make Black Rose a group effort rather than just another solo Cher album.

In spite of Cher's incredible network of connections in Hollywood that could have INSTANTLY made them nationally famous stars, Black Rose took the high road, playing gigs at smaller LA nightclubs. Everything the hard way.

Well, almost everything. They got an A-list team of songwriters, such as David Foster, Valarie Carter, Bernie Taupin, Mike Chapman, Carole Bayer-Sager, Vinnie Poncia and Allee Willis. As well as a deal with the one of the biggest record labels in the world at that time. The other members in Black Rose were seasoned LA session musicians. With side help from members of Toto (who would also appear on Cher's later '80s albums.)

The music was very well produced for it's time, as you could imagine. In fact, it was overproduced really. No catchy hooks. Everything really sounds forced to it's limits.

And comically beyond, as Cher's vocals on "Never Should've Started" painfully prove. It was the first single from the album and it was largely ignored by the radio.

         


But the new sound was alienating to her '60s and '70s pop fans as well as her disco era fans. Some critics thought they were trying to clone Blondie. And that Cher's voice was unsuited to the material she was singing. She went an a small tour to promote the album as The Black Rose Show.

It was darn nigh impossible for women in rock in the 70s. There wasn't a mold if you were a woman and you were in the entertainment in the 70s. You were probably a disco diva or a folk singer, or simply ornamental. Radio would play only one woman per hour.
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/quote/903004

It was darn nigh impossible for women in rock in the 70s. There wasn't a mold if you were a woman and you were in the entertainment in the 70s. You were probably a disco diva or a folk singer, or simply ornamental. Radio would play only one woman per hour.
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/quote/903004

It was darn nigh impossible for women in rock in the '70s. There wasn't a mold if you were a woman and you were in the entertainment in the '70s. You were probably a disco diva or a folk singer, or simply ornamental. Radio would play only one woman per hour.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/annwilson412555.html

It was darn nigh impossible for women in rock in the '70s. There wasn't a mold if you were a woman and you were in the entertainment in the '70s. You were probably a disco diva or a folk singer, or simply ornamental. Radio would play only one woman per hour.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/ann_wilson.html

It was darn nigh impossible for women in rock in the '70s. There wasn't a mold if you were a woman and you were in the entertainment in the '70s. You were probably a disco diva or a folk singer, or simply ornamental. Radio would play only one woman per hour.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/ann_wilson.html

But sales of Black Rose were still very low and copies of the LP could be found in the cut-out budget bins at your local record store nine months after it's release for $1.99.

Cher ended Black Rose in 1981.

"You Are Everything" Judas Priest (Unreleased 1988 Demo Snippets)

If there was one set of producers, one band and one song you would have absolutely never made any connection with whatsoever in 1988, it's Stock, Aitken & Waterman, Judas Priest and The Stylistics 1971 hit "You Are Everything".

For those not aware of Stock, Aitken & Waterman, they were the legendary '80s producers of similar sounding UK pop hits-by-numbers. Including Bananarama, Kim Wilde, Rick Astley, Kylie Minogue and Sonia

You couldn't get any more polar opposite musically if you tried. To say nothing of a heavy metal cover version of a '70s soul masterpiece.

But although these are fragments of an unreleased demo, this is actually pretty damn good. Judas Priest did it right. Faithful to the Stylistics original (you don't want to screw with a classic.) But carefully arranged for a metal power ballad. 

SA&W kept the drum machines and synthesizers in check. They knew what song this was and what band they were dealing with. The band also recorded some also as yet unreleased original songs from this session. But the band says it's unlikely the whole songs will surface 

Judas Priest guitarist Glenn Tipton also recorded guitar solos for a Stock, Aitken & Waterman produced artist, Samantha Fox, and was credited on her 1991 track "Spirit of America".

Read more about it in the Blabbermouth article here.

Hamburger Helper

If there's one product that American families on a budget know and love/hate the taste of all too well, it was Hamburger Helper.

Hamburger was super cheap back in 1971 (not so cheap these days.) And more housewives were entering the work force. So they needed a cheap, easy to make meal that was satisfying and tasty.

So the folks at General Mills created what has since become a staple in the American kitchen cupboard.

However, there was a precedent. In the late 1960s, Betty Crocker had a product called Chuck Wagon Dinner.

It was test marketed before new flavours came and the decision was to incorporate it all under the Hamburger Helper brand.

Hamburger Helper originally came in Potato Stroganoff, Chili Tomato (the former Chuck Wagon Dinner), Beef Noodle and Hash (which was diced dehydrated potatoes and beef flavouring.)

And Rice Oriental. It was my mom's perennial favourite. Which has been discontinued since the late '90s/early 2000's to the dismay of many fans. And inspiring the launch of a Facebook group, Bring back Hamburger Helper Rice Oriental
   
But for me personally, the smell of Rice Oriental Hamburger Helper on the stove reminds me of simpler times. And dinner with mom, watching the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather on a gigantic Montgomery Ward console TV.

Newer flavours have come and gone every few years. Only Potato Stroganoff and Beef Noodle, now renamed Beef Pasta remain of the original lineup. My personal favourites, Cheeseburger Macaroni and Noodle Stroganoff came in the mid-'70s. And who remembers the Pizzabake from the 1980s?)

The Hamburger Stew was absolutely delicious.

The wild popularity of Hamburger Helper spawned Tuna Helper in 1972 (which my cat loved), Fruit Helper (a dessert product) in 1973, Chicken Helper in 1984, Pork Helper appeared in 2003, Asian Helper in 2006 (which was OK, but really disappointing in the fact that Rice Oriental was not included in that line.) Pork and Asian Helper are no longer on the market and Fruit Helper has been defunct since the mid'70s.

Cheesy Potatoes Au Gratin

In 2013, they shortened the name to just the monosyllabic "Helper". Another one of those slick sounding, but ultimately pointless corporate 'synergy' things to tie in all it's products and subsidiary lines, I guess.

But on last Friday, April Fool's Day, Betty Crocker/General Mills suddenly and quite unexpectedly threw down the The Ultimate Hip-Hop Party Jam Mixtape of '16.

Lefty is the anthropomorphic talking oven mitt mascot whose image graces the boxes and appeared in countless classic commercials for Hamburger Helper.



Now for my generation and older, Lefty's transformation is a bit of an, um.... Shock? But try to understand that your career options are very limited when you're an anthropomorphic talking/singing oven mitt. So you take whatever gig you can get.

Watch The Stove Helper feat. Lefty. Listen to the entire mixtape free at Soundcloud. No word as of yet of any vinyl issues of this mixtape. 

It quickly went viral on Twitter. Stirring up a piping hot pan of delicious memories amongst the usual snarkiness. But more than anything else, this is actually starting to be considered a landmark album in hip-hop, receiving praise in Billboard and The Los Angeles Times.

Anyway, what are you waiting for? It's 3:23am as I'm finishing writing this and I got me a hot bowl of Cheeseburger Macaroni right here. Bon Appetit!

I'm a thug....

Fake Lionel Richie

This CD was from the Mount Vernon City Library (WA) and particularly strange because these recordings aren't even from Lionel Richie at all. The singer(s) don't even sound close to Lionel Richie. Or Diana Ross on "Endless Love".
It was released in 1993 not on Motown (Lionel Richie's home label during his '80s hit making streak), but on something called Starnice. That was the first warning sign, along with the crummy, non-descript packaging.

A Googling of Starnice reveals it to be a Hong Kong based label with other titles of presumably similar knock-off material of other acts. Regardless, the CD is a fake and not worth anyone's money unless you like really bad anonymous karaoke covers better than original hit recordings (which I'm presuming most of you don't.)

I'm also sure this wasn't intended for sale in the U.S. where recordings like this are illegal to sell unless they are marked as not the original performer on the packaging. This is how these recordings otherwise get sold in America, as worthless anonymous "tribute" albums. I can't believe there's an entire bastard subset of the music industry dedicated to this crap (I once broke off a budding relationship with someone over the fact that she bought a Glee CD - no joke.) But this disc is a flat out fraud. It promises Lionel Richie, but gives you not one, but two and possibly three, maybe even four schmucks with detectable Chinese accents.

This disc starts out with an anemic cover of "Say You Say Me", bungled up lyrics in "Hello" ("I've been alone with you inside my head".) It's just droning electronic keyboards and lame attempts at sounding like Lionel Richie.     

And since it is a cheap, chintzy knockoff, I've included it for your masochistic pleasure. But most of you probably would rather have a tax audit instead of hearing this garbage.

Enjoy (Or something.)   

CD Front/Inside V Card (Other side was blank)

CD Back

CD Label

A Budget Label Christmas

For those of you who love those old budget label Christmas records (the kind your parents randomly picked up at the drug store just as something different to play on the stereo around the holidays.) I have a tub of pure Cheez-Whiz for you today.

In the 1950s and well into the '80s, It wasn't uncommon to see racks of super cheap anonymous Christmas records in your local drug store or supermarket selling for anything from 88 cents to $1.98. A cheap "impulse" thing you bought when your Christmas spirit was high, but money was tight. This made an even balance. You got your gifts and wrappings, ornaments for the tree, a quart of dairy egg nog and...Wait...I gotta have tunes!

And there they were. Conveniently close to the check-out stands for ridiculously low prices. Problem. Solved. Granted, it was "mystery music". But who knows?

Sometimes these records became family heirlooms, others donated to the thrift shops. But there's always been a soft spot for those over 40 who can still remember seeing these records at drug and discount stores. 

And a very special thanks to Kaiwaza for finding some of these aural samples.

"Christmas With The Caroleers" The Caroleers (Promenade/Diplomat/Spin-O-Rama, 1963)

First, let's get started with the biggest known of the budget label acts (and absolutely mandatory in any collection of cheapo vinyl); The Caroleers.

As mentioned here, "The Caroleers" weren't technically an actual group. Although some Caroleers tracks have the same vocalists, it appears to be the generic umbrella name for anonymous holiday material from Synthetic Plastics Company (famous for their Peter Pan label of cheap kids records) and their various subsidiary labels regardless of the actual performer. Many of the same songs also appear across several Caroleers LPs on the various Peter Pan/SPC label LPs, 45s and EPs in the 1960s.

Putting names and faces to this music is next to impossible. SPC/Peter Pan (as well all the other budget labels) only paid their studio performers a flat rate with no royalties. They rarely had credits for anyone.

But in my research last week, I made a major breakthrough. I found one actual person that not only appeared on some Caroleers tracks, but could very well be the mysteriously female sounding voice on the "Nuttin' For Christmas" song I wrote about a few weeks ago that was credited to Bobby Stewart as well.

Her name was Toby Deane, a comedienne and voice actress. Bob Purse has an excellent post on Toby's career on his blog, The Wonderful and the Obscure. Toby Deane recorded for Peter Pan/SPC label records and various other budget labels from the 1950s to the 1970s. Her voice is believed to be on several hundred children's records.

And the Eddie Maynard Orchestra. But once again, I run into the same dead ends in my research while looking for Eddie. All that is known is they appear across several Peter Pan/SPC label albums and their holiday music appears on LPs credited to The Caroleers. 

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town The Caroleers (Diplomat/Tinkerbell, 1970)

With the release of this album, the sound of The Caroleers radically changed. No more old recycled tracks, here was a Caroleers album of mostly actual original material. Sung by Toby Deane and Ray Dorey. A pop vocalist who, like Toby Deane, also performed with Benny Goodman's Orchestra in the 1940s. Ray was also a fixture on Boston area on radio and TV in the 1950s and in later years, recorded chidren's records and other material for Peter Pan/SPC.

It sounds more cohesive than other Caroleers albums in that it wasn't a grab bag of whatever was in the SPC/Peter Pan vaults and that it was single group in a session specifically for this album.

Christmas Is For Children; Merry Favorites from Santa's Little Helpers (Design Records DLPX-2, 1957)

Toby Deane also appears on this album. In fact, many of the Caroleer vocalists from the Peter Pan/SPC labels appear on this Pickwick distributed LP. It appears there were no exclusive contracts to the budget labels, as these performers seemed to appear on nearly all of them. 

Design Records was Pickwick's subsidiary label. They're best known today as where Lou Reed got his first break in the music industry as a staff songwriter and recording as session musician and occasional vocalist with some musicians who would later form The Velvet Underground. While most of Design's output was knockoff cover versions of pop songs and sound-alikes, Design occasionally licensed older material of various pop acts. When stereo LPs became the norm, Design took a few, shall we say, liberties with their licensed material (Such as this infamous Roy Orbison "remix".)

And down here, I dug out some of the earliest stuff that was available back in the day. Perennial, old-timey fruitcake-like music you probably heard dropping from the automatic record changers inside your parents/grandparents BIG console stereos of the time. Choruses, orchestras and pipe organ music. Mostly playing public domain traditional carols.

Christmas At Our House; Favorite Christmas Carols Martha Tilton and other Great HOLLYWOOD Vocal Stars, George Mather at The Console (Tops Records,1956)

Martha Tilton was called "The Sweetheart of Swing", best known for her 1944 hit "I'll Walk Alone". After 1950, Big Band swing music had given way to the pop balladeer and her career was fading and she was recording for Tops.

This album also features Marni Nixon, who was a movie playback singer (she recorded the vocals for Deborah Kerr's singing parts in The King And I.) She is also fondly remembered in the Seattle area as the host of KOMO-TV's kids TV show Boomerang.

Thurl Ravenscroft was a radio and animation voice actor and basso singer who sang the classic 1966 version of "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" (not on this album.) and the legendary voice of Tony The Tiger in TV commercials for Kellogg's Frosted Flakes.

Doris Drew (Not to be confused with Doris Day) was a jazz singer and like Marni Nixon, often recorded songs for actress singing parts in movies. Norma Zimmer would join Lawrence Welk's orchestra as it's religious singer. John Gabriel would find later fame as a soap opera actor in the '60s, '70s and '80s. and probably best known as Seneca Beaulac in Ryan's Hope. All that is known about John Gustafson is he had an uncredited role as a background singer in the 1954 movie musical Brigadoon. And I can't find anything at all on Bill Reeve.

Tops Records was a typical budget label that specialized in the "knockoff", sound-alike record and often sold packaged compilations of these. When the LP was invented, they changed to recording originals by fading and B-List stars. At their peak in the late 1950s, they were the most popular budget label in America.

They also pioneered the "cheesecake" album cover (With Hollywood actresses on the covers, including Jayne Mansfield, Mary Tyler Moore - who appeared on several Tops LP covers. Rita Hayworth and Kim Novak.)

Jayne Mansfield

Mary Tyler Moore

Rita Hayworth

Kim Novak & Rita Hayworth

But then after a strange merger with failing Geiger counter maker Precision Radiation Instruments in 1958 (which established it's own subsidiary record label) and a couple years later, a disastrous acquisition by an investor who was completely inept to the record business, Tops was bankrupt and it's catalogue was sold to Pickwick Records just two years after the acquisition.

Another strange coincidence was Tops Records were also pressed at the same South Central Los Angeles pressing plant as the Bihari brothers' infamous Crown Records. Just what connection Tops had with Crown is still unclear with many collectors. It's believed the plant was originally owned by Tops and sold to Crown and then used again by Tops as a cost cutting measure. Even some Tops recordings appeared on Crown (attributed to different artists) and vice-versa. At this time, Crown's record quality was still fairly decent. But after Tops folded in 1962, Crown's quality tanked. And like Crown, Tops covers were known for splitting at the seams as they were just two pieces of cardboard held together by a cover slick.

Hail To Christmas Peter Raymond Carolers (Wyncote, 1966)

On this album, it appears the lead caroler on some tracks on Side 1 is a very off-key caroler who sounds like he's trying to shout over the orchestra. He also botches the lyrics in "Jingle Bells".

It takes work to botch up the lyrics in "Jingle Bells".  

Wyncote was owned by Cameo-Parkway Records, a major independent label based in Philadelphia and named for a Philadelphia suburb.

You'd think Wyncote, being owned and operated by a major independent would have better quality albums than the usual budget label dreck. But nothing could be further from the truth. They were amongst the very worst budget labels I have ever seen. Every Wyncote record I ever owned (all of them clean and some close to mint) was plagued with ghastly surface noise, the vinyl often had bumps and even a few air bubbles. Like Tops/Crown, Wyncote covers were slapped together with no inner paper or plastic sleeves and the quality of the music? Well, let this sink in.

Christmas Favorites The International Choristers and Orchestra Featuring George Mather (HIM again?) at The Mighty Console (Craftsmen/Golden Tone/Tops, 1959)

Nothing says international Christmas like four random average American-looking white people from the Midwest and a rather annoyed looking sidewalk Santa, who seems to be pondering "How much did they say I was getting for this stupid photo shot again?"

And it really shows on this album in particular. They sing in perfect English with exaggerated German and French accents.

From here, we go to the late '70s and the disco-themed Christmas budget albums.

Christmas And New Year's Party - Irwin the Disco Duck with The Wibble Wabble Singers and Orchestra (Peter Pan, 1977)

Disco Noel Mirror Image (Pickwick, 1979)
 
Mirror Image was Pickwick's house band in the 1970s. They appeared on several "sound-alike" Pickwick albums of the 1970s.

Disco Noel included a free disco dance lesson.

Pickwick was so confident in the success of the Disco Noel album, it was immediately followed up with Yuletide Disco.

And they did sell quite well, in spite of disco rapidly falling out of popularity at this time.

But this would be the end of the era of the budget label Christmas record. Pickwick had been sold to PolyGram earlier in 1979 and would soon cease operations and Peter Pan/SPC would concentrate solely on their kids records.

Still, it was an era. And it still feels weird walking into a discount retailer and not seeing the bins of budget label Christmas records like I used to.

Merry Christmas!