History's Dumpster = GLORIOUS trash! Kitsch, music, fashion, food, history, ephemera, and other memorable and forgotten, famous and infamous pop culture junk and oddities of yesterday and today. Saved from the landfill of time...
In the waning edge of the disco craze, a little unknown female duo from Japan called Pink Lady began appearing on American TV.
So WHO were these girls?
Pink Lady was the biggest selling and most famous Japanese pop act of the 1970's. They scored several MASSIVE hits in Japan. And they were ready to hit America
They scored a minor Top 40 hit in America. "Kiss In The Dark" (1979) which peaked at #37. And released an English language album on Elektra Records.
They looked sure become the next BIG thing in America. They took Japan by storm in the '70s. They were very beautiful and very talented. So in March 1980. NBC unveiled "Pink Lady" for your Saturday evening viewing pleasure.
But leave it to American TV network boss minds to completely screw it up.....
You see, Mie (left) and Kei (right) were paired with this dork, Jeff Altman (lower center.) in utterly the WORST variety TV show America has ever seen. This show was so bad, it actually KILLED the variety TV show format in America ever since.
It certainly wasn't Pink Lady themselves. Even the most attractive and talented act couldn't survive a TERRIBLE production.
First, the music on the show was primarily disco at a time when disco was on it's deathbed. Power Pop bands on one end and Adult Contemporary music on the other were dominating the Top 40 charts at the time.
On the first episode of the series (and this is on DVD too. ) He made one particularly shocking comment. Even in that less politically correct year, our jaws dropped
"You just get turned on by my sexy round eyes."
Off in the distance, you could already hear the sound of millions of people changing the channel.
Bizarrely, these girls seemed to take it all in stride. That was because they actually didn't know what was being said. Pink Lady themselves knew very little English. And most of their direction came off-camera and for each sketch, they had to memorize lines they didn't understand.
Finally, this show was aired at prime time on a Saturday night. An AUTOMATIC kiss of death for any new TV show.
In every episode Jeff Altman played the dumbass (very well), flanked by two beautiful Japanese ladies. Pink Lady were the stars of the show. But like a kazoo in the middle of an angelic harp solo, Jeff Altman's annoying presence made it unbearable.
I felt sorry for them. They deserved better. American network TV can be very, very cruel.
Their American show and fame was extremely brief. The show only lasted for ONE MONTH. Only 5 episodes ever aired. And they never attempted an American comeback.
But in spite of this disaster, they did pick up some American fans, who saw through this horrible travesty. They have maintained an English fan site with more information and details on their history, music and current activity (they've reunited every few years....):
They were a disco band at a time when disco was pretty much dead.
Their old label, Casablanca had just been acquired by PolyGram and PolyGram went straight to work dropping all the old disco acts from it's roster, Donna Summer went to Geffen and The Village People signed to RCA. And they revamped to a new wave image.
Out went the costumes, in came
SUPER dorky outfits, makeup and really, really, bad hair.
Thor looked and sounded like Leif Garrett on steroids and testosterone injections.
Indeed, we hadn't seen anything like this before.
I'm not sure if he was to be the vanguard of some new sub-genre of rock called "Muscle Rock" (as been suggested.) And to be honest, I could understand it. Hard rock in the late 70's was still dominated by makeup wearing glam bands like Kiss, Sweet and Alice Cooper. Ballad filled arena rock like Styx and Foreigner. And punk had siphoned off the rest. Heavy metal still didn't even have an official name yet. And Rob Halford still wore jeans.
Thor was a Canadian hard rock band that was to change all that. And it some ways, it did. With presumably 10,000 or so who wore studded S&M collars sold since 1978 and people who would openly or privately wear those things. In a world of nearly 8,000,000,000, it's a hard metric. To say the least*.
(*Please correct me if I am seriously underestimating this and that there is an actual, fairly accurate and somewhat publicly verifiable and relatively undisputed worldwide count to how many studded S&M collars were sold since 1978 to refute my disproof above somewhere in the files of time.
My readers and I would also like to know who keeps the data on something like this too. Because they absolutely think I am crazy enough. They want something even deeper into crazy. And so am I. Thank you. - L.W.)
I was given this record in 1979 with a note inside the sleeve that said "Play this at your own risk.". I stared at the cover and blinked. It showed some guy out walking his dogs to my 11 year old eyes. Did those dogs intimidate me? No. As long as you gave them something (else) to eat and pet them nice.
"FOOLISH MORTALS! The Great Thor heeds not your 'pooper-scooper' laws!"
She was known as "The Queen Of The Vanity Records". And "vanity" took on a whole new meaning with Dora Hall.
But first, "What is a vanity record?" you ask. "And who the hell is Dora Hall?"
You better sit down for this.
A vanity record is an album or single that a completely unknown person makes for commercial sale outside of independent or major labels.
They never "pay their dues" the way most actual stars do with hard work, constant touring, daily practice and nightly performance. And most of all, making connections (after all, it's not always WHAT you know but who you know.)
The vanity act often has little to no live performance history or review, no music industry credentials or experience. Someone who basically makes records based on nothing else but their own self perceived enormous talent.
Basically, a self-made, self appreciated and self-assured star in their own right. They often entice friends and family to buy their self distributed records and basically live delusionally in their own superstar fantasy. Sometimes, they'll take out self written, superlative filled advertisements to entice others to buy their music.
99.9% of these acts NEVER get noticed by the music industry (professional or independent) and most want nothing to do with them as they expect some level of "dues paying". Those who do it this way are perceived as arrogant, stuck up and overly demanding with no basis other than themselves.
Not much is known about Dora Hall prior to her vanity career. It's been said she was a so-so cabaret act in the '20s, (she claimed she was entertaining troops during World War I.) But in 1926 she met and married Leo Hulseman, who became a wealthy disposable cup magnate and the founder and CEO of the Solo Cup Company.
But in the early '60s, Dora Hall, now an aging grandmother had decided to re-enter show business. But the industry wasn't interested in an inexperienced elderly grandmother with virtually no track record whatsoever.
No biggie. Her husband was more than happy to make her a star. Experience and industry expectations? BAH! He was a multi-millionaire and he could spend that money any damn way he pleased.
He set up a couple fake record labels, Reinbeau (pronounced "Rainbow"), Premore, and Cozy. Almost EXCLUSIVELY for recording his wife's songs.
There was one other artist on the Solo Cup labels, somebody named Larry Taylor (not the Canned Heat bassist).
But how would Leo Hulseman get his wife's music out to the public? Commercial radio rarely plays anything (then or now) from unsolicited, unknown acts in enough rotation to garner any kind of attention. But NEVER one whose career was basically BOUGHT. (There were STRICT laws against payola on the radio back then.)
Again, no biggie. He simply GAVE them away (or included mail-order coupons) on or in the packaging of his Solo Cozy Cup products.
The Solo Cozy Cup was an environmentalist nightmare neatly packaged with bottomless cups and disposable paper (later plastic) cone shaped cups. On every package was a free record offer. It often didn't mention Dora Hall's name or even what song you're getting, just a "Top Tune Record". And all you had to do was check your particular genre on the order form and aside from the cost of a stamp. It was free, a mystery with grooves. So many did. just to see what they would get. Larger packages often had a randomly selected record included in the packaging....
Solo Cozy Cups were ubiquitous in coffee shops in the early-mid '70s. The ones who bought them for home use were often those weird old ladies who thought they were so modern and convenient in spite of the fact everybody else, including their own husbands HATED them.....
Well, no doubt this was stirring some, albeit mediocre amount of attention. Who was this strange woman who made some of the most godawful covers of '60s pop songs the human ear has ever heard?
And why did her music always come with Solo cup products?
Well, needless to say, Leo Hulseman was going to make his wife a superstar, no matter what. The laws against payola on the radio were one thing.
But there was NOTHING against payola on TV.
Hulseman also owned a TV studio in Culver City, CA. Which he rented out to various TV networks to produce shows in. But his biggest ambition was to produce a HUGE variety show where his wife, Dora Hall was the star. And in 1971, he did. And Dora Hall was flanked by several B-list names of the time (Frank Sinatra Jr., Phil Harris, Rich Little, Rosey Grier, etc.) in a variety show called "Once Upon A Tour".
At the time, TV variety shows (Tony Orlando & Dawn, Sonny & Cher, Donny & Marie, etc.) were all BIG in the '70s (only to be completely - and actually mercifully - killed off forever by the Pink Lady show in 1980. Look for more about that here tomorrow.)
It didn't matter to the other stars who Dora Hall was or how she got to where she was, Or that she had problems singing on key. Leo Hulseman cut HUGE checks for their appearances. And the money DID talk.
He shopped the show around to the three commercial TV networks back then (ABC, NBC and CBS.) But the networks wanted none of it. So he syndicated the show. Prime time entertainment starved independent TV stations (or network stations during off-network hours) could air it that way.
But just as much as the entertainment (or whatever it was), the show was to sell Solo products. And of course, the included Dora Hall record offers.
There were a few more of these shows. But Dora Hall was well into her late '70s by this time and having serious trouble adapting to the changing times (disco namely.) And all of her syndicated shows bombed in the ratings. And by 1980, Solo cups were sold without record offers (although she did made one interesting inroad before the end. When the very first consumer video tape machines came out in the late '70s, she offered free video tapes of her old TV shows - with the purchase of Solo Cups, of course.)
And Dora Hall faded back into obscurity She died in May 1988.
However, she did maintain a very small, but loyal fan club. And her fans (what few there were) have maintained a fan site in her memory.
Sizzlean was supposedly a lower calorie, less fattening bacon substitute product that was smoked and cured like bacon, but made from pork shoulder instead of pork bellies (where bacon comes from.)
Pork shoulder is ironically one of the key ingredients of Spam, one of the most fattening foods on earth.
Sizzlean (on top of having one of the most grotesque names for a food product in history) was an abomination to bacon lovers everywhere. First, it ALWAYS remained soft in the pan, no matter how long you cooked it - there was no such thing as 'crispy' Sizzlean.
My mom however was a hardcore fan of this stuff, because it was cheaper than regular bacon.
Sizzlean was discontinued by 1985. And today, it really doesn't look so bad now. Especially when compared to THIS atrocity today.....
