Name Brand Knockoff Mania!

Chipmunk Punk (Excelsior/Pickwick, 1980)

In the late 1970s, it seemed like The Chipmunks franchise was all but dead.

Ross Bagdasarian Sr., the Chipmunks creator had passed away in 1972 and aside from various licensed holiday repackagings for budget labels such as Mistletoe/Springboard, there was no new Chipmunks music in that cold, lonely decade.

Liberty Records had folded into United Artists in 1968 and UA wasn't as fond of these rodents as Liberty.

The '70s were a real low point for the Chipmunks. And to add insult to sad loss, a religious producer/musician named Floyd Robinson created something called Charlie The Hamster. A smug, born-again knockoff that served no other purpose other than to remind us of how much we really missed the actual Chipmunks.

 Charlie The Hamster Sings The Ten Commandments (Singcord, 1977) is a headache inducing Christian market knockoff of the Chipmunks franchise. Somehow, Robinson and his hamster forgot about Commandment #8.....   

But by 1980, the Chipmunks really needed a makeover and it was up to Ross Bagdasarian Jr. to carry the Chipmunks torch into the '80s. So he created Chipmunk Punk. And yes, even Yours Truly owned a copy.

Chipmunk Punk wasn't actual punk rock music per se. If you came here looking for some hysterical Chipmunk versions of The Sex Pistols, Anti-Nowhere League, The Ramones or The Dead Boys, you better move on.

But you did get Chipmunk covers of rock songs from The Knack (three songs were Knack covers!), Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, Blondie, The Cars, Billy Joel, Linda Ronstadt and Queen. Sanitized of course (The Knack's "Good Girls Don't" was cleaned up - this is a kids record after all.)

The album was a surprising success and went Gold (the first Chipmunks album to do so.) The album was inspired by a DJ from Los Angeles rock station KMET-FM who played Blondie's "Call Me" at twice normal speed and jokingly called it "the new Chipmunks record".

Chipmunk Punk reintroduced the Chipmunks to a new generation and led to several follow up albums and a new Saturday morning cartoon series in the '80s and they're still active today.

September 23, 2015....Did You Miss It?.....

....so did the rest of us.

Apparently, there was supposed to be a meteor or an asteroid crashing into planet Earth. And God and his angels would blow their trumpets and we'll all be treated to the end of all humanity in a horrific catastrophe with a nice jazzy soundtrack. Or something to that effect.

The internet is filled with crazy videos and websites from wacky conspiracy theorists claiming that "The End Times" are coming.

Again?

You'll have to pardon me if I'm not much fun here. I've seen and heard it all. You can only see and hear so much of this nonsense before you just get bored of it (and before anyone starts firing off any comments about repentance and it's-for-real and you-just-wait, save your breath. Or keystrokes.) 




You can't set an exact date on such a thing either.  

But fear in America isn't just an emotion. It's a big industry. Politicians use fear to get votes. Radio and TV personalities use fear to get ratings and sales. And people on the internet like spreading fear for fun. Which translates into dollars for enterprising scam artists that feed off the money of the fearful, who are often the same people who tout the virtues of "freedom and liberty" (or the far-right version of it.) Which is odd because you can't have either if you're always scared.

Another crazy internet doomsday theory is Nibiru.

Nibiru is an alleged planet that every year since 2003 was supposed to crash into Earth or tilt its rotational axis, causing the usual global catastrophe. 


Much of this is spread further by radio hosts such as Art Bell, George Noory and Alex Jones, who host syndicated radio talk programs to audiences who are looking for something to justify their own delusions about "The Great Unknown" or "What The Government Won't Tell You". Who then make outlandish videos for YouTube and websites supporting the theories these hosts entertain or these individuals add their own twist to them.

Religious people especially like to get people worked up over doom and gloom. And for the same reason; It makes money. Hundreds of books have been written on "The End Times", some of them New York Times bestsellers.

In 2011, evangelical broadcaster Harold Camping made an infamous prediction over his Family Radio network of stations predicting the return of Jesus Christ on May 21, 2011. This prompted many employees and listeners of Family Radio to sell or donate their worldly possessions in anticipation of "The End".

Photo: Radio Survivor

When this did not materialize, Camping pushed back the date by five months to October 21,2011. When nothing happened on this date, Camping quickly disappeared from the airwaves, replaced by reruns of his own program. Camping died on December 15, 2013. He is survived by the world. The failure of his predictions as well as falling listener donations have led to the sale of many of his radio stations.

But as any of you who have had to deal with friends or relatives who were panicky about the whole "Y2K" debacle, you begin to seriously wonder if there needs to be a law requiring a disclaimer to all these programs and websites to at least protect the mentally unstable (which will surely cause stock in tinfoil to collapse.)

Then when nothing happens, they scramble for some explanation to save their asses. Which makes them and those that believed in them the first time around look even more foolish.

Personally, the only thing that can really destroy the Earth is the greed of the human race itself. Not some bipolar "god". Or things from outer space. But as long as there are fragile minded, easily terrified people, there will be always be someone trying to exploit that fear.

And as I speak, there's someone out there making up another end of the world story. And this time, it's for real. It's the big one. You better get ready this time.

Just like all the others...