September 23, 2015....Did You Miss It?.....

....so did the rest of us.

Apparently, there was supposed to be a meteor or an asteroid crashing into planet Earth. And God and his angels would blow their trumpets and we'll all be treated to the end of all humanity in a horrific catastrophe with a nice jazzy soundtrack. Or something to that effect.

The internet is filled with crazy videos and websites from wacky conspiracy theorists claiming that "The End Times" are coming.

Again?

You'll have to pardon me if I'm not much fun here. I've seen and heard it all. You can only see and hear so much of this nonsense before you just get bored of it (and before anyone starts firing off any comments about repentance and it's-for-real and you-just-wait, save your breath. Or keystrokes.) 




You can't set an exact date on such a thing either.  

But fear in America isn't just an emotion. It's a big industry. Politicians use fear to get votes. Radio and TV personalities use fear to get ratings and sales. And people on the internet like spreading fear for fun. Which translates into dollars for enterprising scam artists that feed off the money of the fearful, who are often the same people who tout the virtues of "freedom and liberty" (or the far-right version of it.) Which is odd because you can't have either if you're always scared.

Another crazy internet doomsday theory is Nibiru.

Nibiru is an alleged planet that every year since 2003 was supposed to crash into Earth or tilt its rotational axis, causing the usual global catastrophe. 


Much of this is spread further by radio hosts such as Art Bell, George Noory and Alex Jones, who host syndicated radio talk programs to audiences who are looking for something to justify their own delusions about "The Great Unknown" or "What The Government Won't Tell You". Who then make outlandish videos for YouTube and websites supporting the theories these hosts entertain or these individuals add their own twist to them.

Religious people especially like to get people worked up over doom and gloom. And for the same reason; It makes money. Hundreds of books have been written on "The End Times", some of them New York Times bestsellers.

In 2011, evangelical broadcaster Harold Camping made an infamous prediction over his Family Radio network of stations predicting the return of Jesus Christ on May 21, 2011. This prompted many employees and listeners of Family Radio to sell or donate their worldly possessions in anticipation of "The End".

Photo: Radio Survivor

When this did not materialize, Camping pushed back the date by five months to October 21,2011. When nothing happened on this date, Camping quickly disappeared from the airwaves, replaced by reruns of his own program. Camping died on December 15, 2013. He is survived by the world. The failure of his predictions as well as falling listener donations have led to the sale of many of his radio stations.

But as any of you who have had to deal with friends or relatives who were panicky about the whole "Y2K" debacle, you begin to seriously wonder if there needs to be a law requiring a disclaimer to all these programs and websites to at least protect the mentally unstable (which will surely cause stock in tinfoil to collapse.)

Then when nothing happens, they scramble for some explanation to save their asses. Which makes them and those that believed in them the first time around look even more foolish.

Personally, the only thing that can really destroy the Earth is the greed of the human race itself. Not some bipolar "god". Or things from outer space. But as long as there are fragile minded, easily terrified people, there will be always be someone trying to exploit that fear.

And as I speak, there's someone out there making up another end of the world story. And this time, it's for real. It's the big one. You better get ready this time.

Just like all the others...

Dance The Slurp (1967)

Side B

This was a promo 45 that was given away with the purchase of a Slurpee at 7-Eleven stores in 1967.

Furr (Magna-Glide, 1977)

Who was Furr?

We still don't know. But from the knee-high go-go boots, coloured spandex pants, sequined trench coats and bad face makeup. I'm guessing we're dealing with a "If Peter Criss can do it, we can too!" kind of band.

And from the look and sound of them, that wouldn't be too far off the mark.



Furr comes off like one of those Chinese knockoffs of a famous Western name brand product. And considering 1977 was when Kiss was at the height of their careers and the similarities of Kiss and Furr's logos, it only made one wonder.

This album was produced by legendary bubblegum pop producers Jerry Kasenetz and Jeffery Katz (Ohio Express, The Kasenetz-Katz Singing Orchestral Circus, etc.) for the New York based label Magna-Glide. Not much is known about Magna-Glide either except they did sign '60s R&B singer J.J. Jackson to the label in the mid-'70s and they were distributed by London Records.

But there was just simply no way Furr could ever compete with the stratospheric popularity of Kiss at that time. And this was Furr's only known album.

"Relaxation" The John Howard Abdnor Involvement (1969)

Listen here

Somewhere at the intersection of Dora Hall, Kit Ream and How To Blow Your Mind And Have A Freak Out Party sits this album.

Unknown artist on a record label owned by family? Check. Incoherent, possibly drug induced babbling? Check. Hippie cash in? Check.

John Howard Abdnor Jr. was a pretty lucky guy. The son of a very successful insurance salesman, John Jr. was aspiring to be a musician. John Sr. benevolently formed a production company and record label called Abnak for his son's musical enterprises.

Abnak Records (and yes, the label bears a suspicious resemblance to the classic Atlantic Records label - it's been said John Abdnor Sr. asked Atlantic Records chairman Ahmet Ertegun if he could use Atlantic's design for Abnak and Ertegun was flattered by the proposition, even though the two labels are not related) did score a national Top 10 hit with "Western Union" by The Five Americans in 1967. But every other Five Americans single reached far lower on the charts.

However, John Abdnor Jr. had made some records of his own and as a duet as Jon & Robin & The In Crowd with singer Javonne Braga as Robin. They scored some minor pop singles, including "Do It Again Just A Little Bit Slower", which made Top 20 in 1967.

Tragically, John Abdnor Jr. also suffered from bouts with mental illness and on July 27, 1980, he murdered his girlfriend, Janis Ballew, after she revealed she had an abortion. He was sentenced to life in prison in 1981, but the conviction was overturned on a technicality in 1988.

Santo Gold

It's 1985 and you're flipping through the late night TV channels, looking for a late movie or some kind of background noise to do whatever else. And you land on some crazy local UHF TV channel. Which is showing this infomercial.

Don't forget your "Scream Bag" (Photo: Peter L. Walsh/Baltimore or Less)

It's right here you wonder what the hell you are watching. And who (or what) the hell is Santo Gold? Is it jewelry? Some unknown rock star with a penchant for randomly screaming his own name? A factory with a boiler room office? A wrestling federation? A horror movie? A paper bag? WHAT?

I remember seeing this infomercial back then and for decades and even now, adjectives still fail me. But we aren't over yet. Here's the second half of the infomercial.

(Photo: Peter L. Walsh/Baltimore or Less)

So here are the basics:

- Santo Gold was cheap steel costume jewelry coated with a microscopically thin coating of gold. People who were considering purchasing these things during the infomercial were encouraged to buy larger sets to sell at flea markets (as opposed at real jewelry stores.) They also came in spools to make custom length necklaces.

Phil Spector saw Santo Gold's look on TV, looked in the mirror and had an epiphany.

 - "Santo Gold", the alleged rock star was Santo Victor Rigatuso. The creator of Santo Gold (the jewelry) and financier of an upcoming B-horror/comedy movie called Blood Circus. Rigatuso also went by the less ethnic sounding Bob Harris (are you still with me?)

To my knowledge, there were no known documented studio recordings by anyone named Santo Gold in 1985 or before. Nothing on the Billboard Top 40/Album Rock charts or radio playlists of 1984/1985 refer to Santo Gold (there was an album by Santana, but nothing from Santo Gold.) Which makes his credentials as "rock star" a stretch. And his music ("?") wasn't even rock. From the infomercials, the song he sings sounds like a jewelry advertisement as sung by Disco Tex & The Sex-O-Lettes.

- Blood Circus was the movie that was to spread the Santo Gold gospel to the masses (once the infomercial blitz had paid off, I assume.) The plot was this; Alien wrestlers come to Earth to fight human wrestlers and promptly devour them before defeating them (rather than the more traditional method of defeating them before devouring them.) The movie was filmed at Baltimore Civic Center (now Royal Farms Arena) and was billed as a wrestling event and movie filming. The audience actually had to pay $10 each to attend. Some bit-part actors were actually paid off only in Santo Gold jewelry!

- The "Scream Bag" was a paper bag. 

We don't know much more about this particular mess beyond that. We honestly don't. There are no known copies of the film and what known footage exists only on the scratchy, pixellated YouTube videos of the infomercials.

Some money from the jewelry came in. But by 1987, he still hadn't found any distribution for Blood Circus. He could have also gone straight to the then very lucrative VHS home video market with Blood Circus (which would have been perhaps the best alternate route.) Rigatuso did not. Finally, there was a showing for one week only at selected Baltimore area theatres. But according to one source, only three people showed up; Two reviewers and an extra from the filming.

When Blood Circus failed to get anywhere. Rigatuso later went into finance with a paper credit card for $49.99. Redeemable only for the Santo Gold jewelry he was probably still up to here with by then. He later began advertising alleged $2000 chunks of a millionaire's estate for an unbelievable $52 each.

I guess it was unbelievable, as he was finally convicted of mail fraud in 1989 and sentenced to 10 months in prison. That would be the end of the whole Santo Gold fiasco, right?

Nope.

In 2008 he finally recorded that elusive album we never saw in the '80s, titled I Am The Real Santo Gold. (No word from Slim Shady - aka Eminem.) One of the songs was a tribute to Donald Trump ("You're Fired") and another was titled "Obama Stomp".





In 2009, a female pop singer named Santogold was forced to change her stage name to Santigold, due to legal pressure from Rigatuso.

And then there was this. 

There was an ad that appeared on eBay in 2011. The ad was selling a 35mm film copy of the Blood Circus movie. And starting bid was $21 million. Reserve price? $750 million.

Let's simplify this; The 1997 movie Titanic and one of the biggest grossing movies of all time costed $200 million to make. Blood Circus reportedly costed $2 million.

So until there is a complete, viewable and verified print of this film (and expectations considerably lowered.), the legend of Santo Gold's Blood Circus will only remain in cheesy '80s obscurity.

More on Santo Gold:

"Fools Gold" (Baltimore or Less)

"Santo Gold & "Blood Circus" (Baltimore or Less)

Santo Gold's Blood Circus (WFMU's Beware of The Blog)

Santo Gold (Infomercial Hell)

Blood Circus (film) (Wikipedia)

Santogold (Official Website)