Horrifying Vintage Meal Ideas

Kristy & Jimmy McNichol

Oh dear.

Hot on the heels of the Donny & Marie "If the Carpenters can do it, we can too!" craze of corny sibling pop, comes this slice of sheer pasteurized processed cheese product. 

Kristy McNichol had already made a name for herself as Buddy in the ABC drama Family and other ABC TV network productions and Jimmy McNichol (who?) hosted something called "Hollywood Teens". Somebody thought pairing them on a record would move them onto the A-List in no time. So they convinced RCA Records to sign them. 

And so came this album. And this was it: A family friendly album of mostly cover versions of early '60s pop songs an average teenage girl (and the parents of) in the late '70s would probably like (they really didn't.) The same stuff that Leif Garrett and Shaun Cassidy were slinging out. The same stuff TV variety shows were filled with.  

Interestingly, they got The Chiffons to sing backup on their own song "He's So Fine".

Rain Lamps

Just before New Years, I tossed up this subject to those in my Facebook circle, just to see if anyone noticed. Many did. So whilst preparing my list of beautifully overlooked subjects I need to cover (I'll wait until my nausea is over before I get around to "twerking" and "The Harlem Shake"), I put this on top.

They're called Rain Lamps. Some called them "swag lamps", but swags are these:

...and they weren't "oil lamps" Which look like these:

Rain lamps were popular in the late '60s and early '70s. They were kind of a lava light for your parents.

They almost always had some kind of Venus sculpture in them, surrounded by plastic foliage (although some had a clock or even a cabin in them.) They worked by using a pump that ran rain lamp oil (which was pretty much mineral oil - any other kind of oil will gum up the pump) over several strands of taut 30-40 lb fishing line to create a slow motion effect of rain. The oil also had to be changed and the lamp and pump cleaned every year or the oil gets rancid. For lighting, you used low wattage soft light of any colour.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlmgbTgyZGo

You can find them on eBay. But prepare to fork out a lot of money for one in really nice condition. However restoring one takes time and work, but it isn't rocket science.



  

"Rebel Rebel" Shaun Cassidy (1980)

Shaun Cassidy's music career had already been on the skids when this album came out. But this is the only album I know of that actually appeared in the $1.98 clearance racks on the day of it's release.

Wasp was supposed to be Shaun Cassidy's remarketing as a New Wave act. And to add to those alt-y credentials, the album was produced by Todd Rundgren and Rundgren's backing band Utopia also backed Cassidy on this album.

The warning sign was the first single, "Rebel Rebel" - a cover of the David Bowie classic was released to radio. I remember hearing this song and laughing because it was so hilariously BAD. Halfway during the song, the DJ broke in and said "Uh, look. I'm sorry but this is bad. The phones are off the hook here and I'm more accustomed to my listeners saying 'play it again' than 'get that off the blanking air'!"

Not even Todd Rundgren could save this.

So a week later on my shopping trip to the record store, I picked up some albums and 45s and to round off my night, I looked for something in the "budget bin" and there it was. This album. Around 20 copies of it.

So I bought one. And if you thought this was crazy, wait until you hear the title track. And the cover of "Once Bitten Twice Shy" made me appreciate Great White's ghastly version 8 years later. I can't remember what happened to my copy of this album, but I think I finally used it as a make-do frisbee on the beach.

I knew Shaun was aiming for something here on this album, but whatever it was, he went too far above and completely beyond it. I was actually craving "Da-Do-Ron-Ron" or "Hey Deanie" before it was over.

   

"Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" Tiny Tim (1982)

Originally sold as a flexi-disc part of a novelty card (I would hope so), here's Tiny Tim with his rendition (?) of the Rod Stewart classic.

No "Tiptoe Through The Tulips" falsetto here. If you're too scared to click on the YouTube video, imagine Al Jolson on amyl nitrate and backed by the Mos Eisley Spaceport Cantina Band and you'll have an idea of what this sounds like.