History's Dumpster = GLORIOUS trash! Kitsch, music, fashion, food, history, ephemera, and other memorable and forgotten, famous and infamous pop culture junk and oddities of yesterday and today. Saved from the landfill of time...
Growing up in Seattle, we had some of the very best in kids programs on local TV. KIRO-TV Ch. 7's J.P. Patches, KING-TV Ch. 5's Stan Boreson, KOMO-TV Ch. 4's Captain Puget and KTNT-TV (now KSTW) Ch.11's Brakeman Bill. In the '60s, all four programs competed against each other, but it was always a friendly rivalry.
While all groups of kids had their favourites, the perennial and longest running was J.P. Patches. After J.P. Patches' show ended in 1981, JP would host specials and pledge drives for public station KCTS-TV Ch. 9, featuring rare archived clips of his show. But he ALWAYS paid tribute to his competitors in every one - VERY classy.
This is a special which ran on The Seattle Channel (the local Seattle public access cable channel, made sometime in 2009/2010 I guess.) bringing together J.P. Patches and Stan Boreson and playing episodes of their classic Christmas shows.
I heard a Holiday radio classic early this morning, "Same Old Lang Syne" by the late Dan Fogelberg and it got me thinking....
Very pretty song
for it's time, albeit a few of the lyrics are highly socially incorrect
today.
Met my old lover in the grocery store The snow was falling Christmas Eve I stole behind her in the frozen foods And I touched her on the sleeve....
First, that's a very dangerous way and place to approach women. Standing behind her in the frozen food aisle and touching her on her sleeve is just enough distance for her to turn around and upside you with a family size box of Banquet Salisbury Steak that'll leave a massive bruise on the side of your head well into the new year if she doesn't recognize your face at first.
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse And we laughed until we cried....
Pay attention to the store intercom. If you hear Jessica Simpson's rendition of Jingle Bells being cut off and a grouchy cashier grumbling "Brandon...Clean up on Aisle 4.....Brandon, clean up on Aisle 4....", it's a good idea for both of you to stop laughing and pick up all the stuff she dropped.
We went to have ourselves a drink or two But couldn't find an open bar We bought a six-pack at the liquor store And we drank it in her car....
Maybe this is the only place on Earth where the grocery and liquor stores stay open longer than the bars on Christmas Eve. Butin some states
(In Washington State namely - especially on Christmas and New Year's Eve), the state patrol is
out in full force with extra patrols looking for any mere sign of
impaired driving. With a .08 legal breathalizer limit, one 12oz. can of
Budweiser (if your old lover just drank it very recently) is enough to
do her in.
A six pack could get her up to a year in the slammer. Or at least two years of probation misery and a suspended license.
Any open container
found in her car - even if she's perfectly sober and it's been under
her seat and emptied long ago is enough to get her a healthy fine in WA.
Even if she's parked out of the way and a cop finds her and asks to do a vehicle search (like what's your old lover gonna say to them? No?), she will get her vehicle searched anyway, like it or not. And if they find an empty, she's still gonna get hit with a big fine. And a mandatory field sobriety test.
Which means the only car you
and your old lover will have to drink your beer in is a rusted
out old piece of vehicular homicide on blocks surrounded by weeds in her
backyard. And since the man she married was an architect. Who are not only wealthy, but very finicky about appearances. I don't think he'd be down with that kind of landscaping
anyway. To say nothing of his wife messing around with an old boyfriend like that on Christmas Eve.
How's that for romantic reunions?
So your cheap
choices on where to drink a six pack with your old lover when all the open
bars have been closed on Christmas Eve (usually by 6:00 PM) are limited. This can actually be a blessing in disguise.
Because most
cheap motels here are usually open 24/7. Some motel units offer kitchenettes with refrigerators for your old lover to keep the frozen food she just bought at a safe temperature. And last I checked, you and
your old lover can STILL drink beer in those. At least.
SUPER cheese points if the unit hasn't been redecorated since 1973 and includes a Magic Fingers king size bed.
I once actually plunked $5 in quarters into one of these.
If you don't mind very basic cable TV, the crackheads next door and the potential of a nasty bedbug infestation these days, cheap motels really aren't so bad.
Just pay cash or
make sure your old lover doesn't have a hitched credit card with the
architect husband who kept her warm and safe and dry.
But if she said she saw you at the
record store and that you must be doing well (probably meaning
you weren't trying to fop off your Clay Aiken CDs for the beer money),
that too shouldn't be a problem.
Dan really should
have written an updated Washington State version of this song. Yeah, it
probably would have had at least ten or more extra verses (depending on
the strength of the beer.)
In my years of record collecting, one thing is guaranteed.
Somewhere, somebody will tell me "Oh, I have an original rare Elvis record. Wanna see it?" I usually do. Because this may come as a surprise to a lot of people, but many, if not most Elvis records really aren't that valuable.
They're everywhere. There are very few truly rare recordings of his that are not available in his other albums. They have also been reissued and altered in so many ways, it's very hard even for a lot of collectors to discern what is a truly valuable Elvis album and one that isn't. And all of his RCA albums sold millions.
Usually unless the label is Sun, or a first pressing, a test or promo pressing, a Quadraphonic release, coloured vinyl or foreign copy or a very special pressing (and your blue vinyl copy of "Moody Blue" isn't one of them. Sorry.) - all still shrink wrapped. the chances are slim it's worth a lot of money. Condition of the jacket and inner sleeve matters as much as the condition of the record itself. And 99% of the time, I'm shown a disappointment.
Especially Elvis' Christmas Album. I lost count of how many people have shown me their '70s Pickwick issues of this album, thinking it's worth thousands.
I know deep down, they truly mean well and it's an old record. And it's Elvis. But if you really want a test in the art of diplomacy, try as hard as you can to let them down easy. I might as well have insulted their mothers by the way they react. (Because often, it was their deceased mother's copy.)
So I try to explain how they are confusing sentimental value with actual monetary value. And it then becomes something Freud himself would give up on.
But I know how finicky serious collectors are. And they have no time for that stuff. But not everyone is a serious collector. Just a clean, scratch free copy will do.
So here's a quick and visual primer on Elvis' Christmas Album. Starting with the actual 1957 edition. Find a 1st pressing in a Still Sealed or Near Mint condition everything and I'll show you something that may be worth a hundred. $1,000 records of any artist are SUPER rare.
Original 1957 copies of this album were in mono (not "electronically
reprocessed" fake stereo) and came in a deluxe package with a photo
album.
The cover artwork was changed for the 1958 reissue. The photo album was no longer included in the package.
Pay attention. Can you spot the differences in the front cover of the 1958 reissue above and the 1964 reissue below?
The 1964 reissue
Back of 1964 reissue cover
(Fake Stereo 1964 version)
And here's the ugly truth: Most reissues from this point on were made in this crappy unbalanced echo chamber of fake stereo. Which hearing this through quality headphones is like hearing "Blue Christmas" in a wind tunnel. All the Pickwick reissues were made off the fake stereo masters.
The cover artwork was changed again for the 1970 RCA Camden budget release.
On this version, there's a different track listing with the more religious songs missing or replaced.
RCA turned over it's Camden line to Pickwick in 1974. On the 1976 Pickwick reissue, the cover art changed AGAIN.)
And with another alternate track listing.....
After Presley died, RCA ended it's licensing agreement with Pickwick. But did not reissue the album again until 1985 for Elvis's 50th Anniversary series. Digitally remastered. With the original artwork and photo album. On green vinyl and original track listing restored.
Subsequent CD/Tape/Vinyl releases had OTHER alternate covers and track listings. It's one of the most blatantly commercialized Christmas albums out there and it's pretty much flotsam and jetsam. Just different packages for more or less the same thing.
This was a budget priced compilation that appeared in various
drug/department store/supermarket Christmas LP racks in the early '70s.
Side 1 is a sort of condensed version of Crosby's classic LP Merry Christmas. But strangely without "White Christmas".
Side 2 was a hodgepodge compilation of instrumental holiday classics. Namely the first track on Side 2, Leroy Anderson's 1950 original version of "Sleigh Ride" (Granted, Arthur Fiedler put out an excellent stereo version, but his version doesn't have the sonic impact of Leroy Anderson's mono original.)
At this time, MCA was beginning to consolidate it's labels (Decca, Kapp
and Uni.) Over the next two decades, they would acquire ABC, Motown,
A&M, the PolyGram Group to become
Universal Music Group, the biggest record label conglomerate in the
world. They acquired Capitol/ EMI in 2012.
