"Tennessee Bird Walk" Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan (1970)

One of the last singles released on Mercury subsidiary Smash, the venerable label of off the wall country music (Roger Miller, George Jones and Jerry Lee Lewis all recorded for Smash during the '60s.)

Even though the label's founder, Shelby Singleton went on to form his own empire with Plantation Records and his purchase of Sun Records in 1968, Smash still kept it's offbeat nature. And that's where we find this song.

Sea Monkeys

Sea Monkeys were an adorable, but BLATANT rip off. But to a 7 year old kid, they looked awesome.

The comic book ads looked tempting enough. I mean, just look at them. They looked so suburban. And intelligent. "THEY CAN EVEN BE 'TRAINED'" read the ad copy.

So after skipping sodas for a week, I collected $1.25

First, I had to get a fish bowl. Luckily, we still had one set aside after our goldfish swam to fishy heaven.

There were 4 packets. Water purifier, "Instant Life", "Living Plasma" and "Super Food", a feeding spoon and instructions.

The water had to be pure. Chlorine, metals, fluoride and minerals are bad for sea creatures. So. Water purifier packet and distilled water. Wait 24 hours.....

The package guaranteed they would magically appear before your very eyes. They forgot to mention you had to have superhuman vision. My mom's magnifying glass was of little use. There WERE super tiny particles in the water that appeared to have a sense of independent motion. But not enough to impress.

And where's the suburban looking Sea Monkey families? OK, they were just hatched. So when did they reach maturity? Get jobs and build houses and that sort of thing?

Granted, our Sea Monkeys didn't last a week before we threw it all out out of boredom....

Conquer The Video (Game) Craze - 1982

If you STILL love those classic '80s arcade games (and WHO doesn't?) There was a very special vinyl LP they made back in 1982 for you that you probably need to know about.

Surprisingly, even in the age of the Walkman, this NEVER got released to CASSETTE. When it mattered. It was on vinyl only...

It is an album filled with video game tips on how to defeat anything from Dig-Dug to Defender....Centipede to Pac-Man (for the arcade classics, but may work just as well for your more accurate home video games versions.)

Good luck figuring how all that translates out on a typical PS/X-Box/Wii controller.

Before They Were Stars: "Ringo I Love You" Bonnie Jo Mason (1964)

From 1964, here's a 17 year old baritone chick named Bonnie Jo Mason and her tribute to the Beatle's drummer dude.

Who was Bonnie Jo Mason? That was a pseudonym given to Cher by one Phil Spector for her first ever single.

"Baby....I'M gonna make YOU a star....."

The single flopped, namely because it's been said that radio stations and Beatles fans thought it was a love song from a gay (male) fan of Ringo's. Female singers weren't supposed to have such big baritone voices back then.

Come 1965, and enter Sonny Bono. Actually, he's been there the whole time, but it was about this time Sonny & Cher had their first hit "Baby Don't Go" (they originally released the song under the duo name Caesar & Cleo for Reprise Records.) By this time, Cher's voice had been adjusted (under Bono's pressure, I presume.) Instead of him coming down to her key, she had to come up to his.....and have a bit of that trendy Bob Dylan twang that Bono was aping himself back then......And the rest is history....

Are YOU Stuck In The '80s?

For every question you answer yes to, add a point....The graph of how
really stuck in the eighties you really are follows at the end of the
test.....

Fashion

    * You own a skinny tie and know where it is.
    * You wear a skinny tie from time to time.
    * You wear polo shirts.
    * You wear Izod polo shirts.
    * You have a duck tail/rat tail.
    * You wear freindship pins.
    * You give out friendship pins.
    * You wear clothes with "Ocean Pacific" labels clearly visable.
    * You wear Member's Only jackets.
    * You wear Kangaroo Shoes.
    * You wear a single glove like Michael Jackson.
    * You wear a Swatch .
    * You own something with ESPRIT clearly visable on it.
    * You wear Banana Republic shirts/shorts.
    * You rip slits into your jeans on purpose.
    * You have a mohawk.
    * You wear VANS sneakers.
    * You wear pastel colored clothing.
    * You wear sweatshirts like they did in "Flashdance" (ripped, or off one shoulder)


  * You wear those shirts/coats that zip (or fasten) in a diagonal way
which then flop down to make a triangular shape on your chest

Music

    * You own a Milli Vanilli album.
    * You listen to Milli Vanilli.
    * You have a CD of the "New Kids" you listen to.
    * You refer to dance music as disco.
    * You're waiting for Depeche Mode to become popular.
    * You're waiting for Morrissey to cheer up.
    * You know the original line up of Duran Duran.
    * You still have a crush on Nick Rhodes.
    * You refer to Bruce Springsteen as "The Boss"
    * You still talk about whether or not the video for a song is any good.
    * You still prefer 12 inch mixes over CD singles.
    * You think Madonna's "Like A Virgin" would imply she was still "pure."
    * You eagerly await the next hit single from Menudo to come out any day now.
    * You still like "Thriller."
    * You miss "Captain EO" from DisneyWorld.
    * You call the guy who wrote "Little Red Corvette", Prince.
    * You know all the words to "Rio."
    * You own more than one album by either A Flock Of Seagulls, Toto or Mr. Mister.
    * You listen to a "Top 40 Countdown" every weekend.
    * You refer to albums as LP's and call music stores, record stores.

Fads

    * You own a Smurf figurine.
    * You also own a Smurf mushroom house for the Smurf figurines.
    * You have a stuffed animal on the window of your car.
    * You have a stuffed Garfield on the window of your car.
    * You talk like, you know, a Valley Girl from time to time.
    * You use the phrase "Yeah, That's The Ticket"
    * You use the word "DUDE" at all (and with a straight face).
    * You still say, "Well isn't that special?"
    * You have a pair of sunglasses with lights behind the lenses.
    * You play video games on an Atari 2600.
    * You argue as to wether Transformers are better than Go-bots.
    * You think "Where's the Beef?" is far better than "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up"
    * You have a Cabbage Patch Kid out in plain sight somewhere in your house.
    * You've never given up hope that you might someday solve a Rubik's Cube.
    * You think that people still breakdance to rap music.
    * You think wine from a box is as neat as sliced bread.
    * You own California Raisins merchandise.
    * You don't know that Spuds Mackenzie is a female dog.
    * You think you can get killed by mixing pop rocks and soda.
    * You own a BMX bike and still freestyle with it.

Like, You Know, The Stuff That Doesn't Like, Fit In Anywhere Else

    * You didn't know that Tiffany doesn't write her own songs.
    * You get your advice from Dr. Ruth.
    * You still cry when you watch E.T.
    * You think the only reason O.J. Simpson is famous is because of football.
    * You refer to Russia as the U.S.S.R. and think they're a bunch of commies.
    * You drive a Yugo.
    * You collect Garbage Pail Kids.
    * You still take your Flintstone vitamins.
    * You drive a DeLorean.
    * You play Laser Tag.
    * You like making Shrinky-Dinks.
    * You use a Trapper Keeper for homework assignments.
    * When you make a mistake you say, "...and now we know. And knowing is half the battle."
    * When someone calls for someone more than once in public, you start saying, "Bueller, Bueller, Bueller."
    * If someone says, "Who are you gonna call?" the first thing you say is "Ghostbusters."
    * You can still quote stupid things that Dan Quayle has said at one time.
    * You think skateboarding is rad.
    * You think that WWF wrestling isn't choreographed.
    * You still try to make your hair stand up as high as possible with tons of hairspray and mousse.
    * You're actually keeping score and will see where you place on this test.

Scoring

    * 60-80 Points Total

    Get help, you stand out in a crowd, people point and laugh at you
in public, really. Go out and buy a Nirvana CD or something, you're sad!

    * 40-60 Points Total

    There's hope for you, try watching some television. Get outside in
public, and notice you look like a total geek next to everyone else
except Bob Dole.

    * 20-40 Points Total
      You've almost totally gotten away from the eighties, or your real young and hardly
remember the eighties at all. Clean out your closet and you'll probably
come close to be considered hip.

    * 00-20 Points Total
      You've forgotten everything about the eighties, I'm willing to bet you don't even remember your name.