Before There Was American Idol......

....there was The Gong Show.

And I'd STILL take Chuck Barris anyday over Ryan Seacrest. The Gong Show wasn't about sappy wannabes singing lame Whitney Houston or John Mayer covers, The Gong Show had talent....and REAL (future) stars. Like this little unknown act called The Mystic Knights of The Oingo Boingo.

And if you're any fan of classic alternative rock.....well, you knew who this group became:

This was from 1976, LONG before Oingo Boingo went New Wave, they were a performance artist troupe from L.A......

Lena Zavaroni

I'm no fan of child recording stars in any way. I just can't handle the high, shrill frequencies that leave me screaming for a Fiona Apple tune. But this record bears a special horror to me, as my mom once owned a copy of this album.

If you're not familiar with the name Lena Zavaroni, you probably weren't around in 1974. Because for most of that year, this Scottish girl was "The Next Big Thing", appearing on American variety shows and telethons and scoring a debut album at the tender age of 10 with Ma! He's Making Eyes At Me.

But beyond who this girl who seemed to come out of nowhere was, it was the impact it had on an American R&B institution.

This album was most shockingly released in America in 1974 on Stax Records, the once mighty home of powerhouse soul like Otis Redding, Booker T. & The MGs, Wilson Pickett, Sam & Dave, Rufus Thomas, Issac Hayes, etc, etc, etc.

But by this time, all of Stax's biggest artists from the '60s had been stolen by Stax's former distributor, Atlantic Records by 1968 and Stax was left with only a handful of lesser soul acts on the label. Even the original master tapes of Stax's most successful '60s hits were taken. The label virtually had to start all over again from the beginning.


How do you recreate such a massive institution Stax was?

After 1968, Stax had floundered so badly in a lopsided distribution agreement with CBS Records that in a Faustian deal (it's the only way I can describe it) Stax quickly signed this girl for American distribution (I'm not sure whether it was Stax themselves that signed her as a last ditch attempt to bring their sorry financial house back in order or CBS that forced them into it in the hopes of killing off a potential rival to CBS's own home roster of R&B acts - the story varies.) But thanks to the crappy CBS distribution deal, the only way they could promote this album was through a massive TV campaign of commercials for the album (which my mom succumbed to), and other TV appearances because most record stores had trouble even getting Stax's regular R&B output.

Stax was also considered the bratty stepchild within the CBS household and with the exception of a few token spins of her only charting single (the album's title track) American radio simply would not play her songs. (10 year olds singing songs that only grandmothers liked has a way of doing that.)

And even more embarrassing for Stax, which was once one of the biggest and most respected R&B record labels in America were some of the blackface Al Jolson songs this little 10 year old white girl sang on this album, including "Mammy" and "Rock-A-Bye Your Baby (With A Dixie Melody)"

The gambit failed - HORRIBLY. Stax suffered a massive backlash from it's loyal base of hardcore R&B fans over this album and Stax went bankrupt in 1975. It's name and remaining assets were picked up by Fantasy Records and aside a few releases every so often, was mostly dormant until the 2000s.

But she disappeared as quickly as she came in America.

She maintained a small cult following in Europe (where she became more or less the Connie Francis of the '80s, still singing pop standards at a time when most young women her age were singing far more edgier rock material.) While considered a throwback in the '80s, she would probably seem very mainstream today.

She had a variety show in the UK (where the variety TV show format survived well into the '80s.)

However, she suffered from anorexia. Her weight dropped to a deadly 70 lbs. On top of struggling to maintain a fading career. At the end of her life, she was living on UK government benefits. She also suffered from chronic depression, at one point begging for doctors to operate on her brain so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore (This was before the days of newer medications and treatment programs.) 

The eternal tragedy of the former child star. Perhaps the most Faustian deal there is.

She died in October 1999 at 35.

Pink Lady

In the waning edge of the disco craze, a little unknown female duo from Japan called Pink Lady began appearing on American TV.

So WHO were these girls?

Pink Lady was the biggest selling and most famous Japanese pop act of the 1970's. They scored several MASSIVE hits in Japan. And they were ready to hit America

They scored a minor Top 40 hit in America. "Kiss In The Dark" (1979) which peaked at #37. And released an English language album on Elektra Records.

They looked sure become the next BIG thing in America. They took Japan by storm in the '70s. They were very beautiful and very talented. So in March 1980. NBC unveiled "Pink Lady" for your Saturday evening viewing pleasure. 

But leave it to American TV network boss minds to completely screw it up.....

You see, Mie (left) and Kei (right) were paired with this dork, Jeff Altman (lower center.) in utterly the WORST variety TV show America has ever seen. This show was so bad, it actually KILLED the variety TV show format in America ever since.

It certainly wasn't Pink Lady themselves. Even the most attractive and talented act couldn't survive a TERRIBLE production.

First, the music on the show was primarily disco at a time when disco was on it's deathbed. Power Pop bands on one end and Adult Contemporary music on the other were dominating the Top 40 charts at the time.  

On the first episode of the series (and this is on DVD too. ) He made one particularly shocking comment. Even in that less politically correct year, our jaws dropped

"You just get turned on by my sexy round eyes."

Off in the distance, you could already hear the sound of millions of people changing the channel.

Bizarrely, these girls seemed to take it all in stride. That was because they actually didn't know what was being said. Pink Lady themselves knew very little English. And most of their direction came off-camera and for each sketch, they had to memorize lines they didn't understand.

Finally, this show was aired at prime time on a Saturday night. An AUTOMATIC kiss of death for any new TV show.

In every episode Jeff Altman played the dumbass (very well), flanked by two beautiful Japanese ladies. Pink Lady were the stars of the show. But like a kazoo in the middle of an angelic harp solo, Jeff Altman's annoying presence made it unbearable. 

I felt sorry for them.  They deserved better. American network TV can be very, very cruel.

Their American show and fame was extremely brief. The show only lasted for ONE MONTH. Only 5 episodes ever aired. And they never attempted an American comeback.

But in spite of this disaster, they did pick up some American fans, who saw through this horrible travesty. They have maintained an English fan site with more information and details on their history, music and current activity (they've reunited every few years....):

http://www.pinkladyamerica.com/ 

Dora Hall

She was known as "The Queen Of The Vanity Records". And "vanity" took on a whole new meaning with Dora Hall.

But first, "What is a vanity record?" you ask. "And who the hell is Dora Hall?"

You better sit down for this.

A vanity record is an album or single that a completely unknown person makes for commercial sale outside of independent or major labels.

They never "pay their dues" the way most actual stars do with hard work, constant touring, daily practice and nightly performance. And most of all, making connections (after all, it's not always WHAT you know but who you know.)

The vanity act often has little to no live performance history or review, no music industry credentials or experience. Someone who basically makes records based on nothing else but their own self perceived enormous talent.

Basically, a self-made, self appreciated and self-assured star in their own right. They often entice friends and family to buy their self distributed records and basically live delusionally in their own superstar fantasy. Sometimes, they'll take out self written, superlative filled advertisements to entice others to buy their music.

99.9% of these acts NEVER get noticed by the music industry (professional or independent) and most want nothing to do with them as they expect some level of "dues paying". Those who do it this way are perceived as arrogant, stuck up and overly demanding with no basis other than themselves.

Not much is known about Dora Hall prior to her vanity career. It's been said she was a so-so cabaret act in the '20s, (she claimed she was entertaining troops during World War I.) But in 1926 she met and married Leo Hulseman, who became a wealthy disposable cup magnate and the founder and CEO of the Solo Cup Company.

But in the early '60s, Dora Hall, now an aging grandmother had decided to re-enter show business. But the industry wasn't interested in an inexperienced elderly grandmother with virtually no track record whatsoever.

No biggie. Her husband was more than happy to make her a star. Experience and industry expectations? BAH! He was a multi-millionaire and he could spend that money any damn way he pleased.

He set up a couple fake record labels, Reinbeau (pronounced "Rainbow"), Premore, and Cozy. Almost EXCLUSIVELY for recording his wife's songs.

There was one other artist on the Solo Cup labels, somebody named Larry Taylor (not the Canned Heat bassist).

But how would Leo Hulseman get his wife's music out to the public? Commercial radio rarely plays anything (then or now) from unsolicited, unknown acts in enough rotation to garner any kind of attention. But NEVER one whose career was basically BOUGHT. (There were STRICT laws against payola on the radio back then.)

Again, no biggie. He simply GAVE them away (or included mail-order coupons) on or in the packaging of his Solo Cozy Cup products.

The Solo Cozy Cup was an environmentalist nightmare neatly packaged with bottomless cups and disposable paper (later plastic) cone shaped cups. On every package was a free record offer. It often didn't mention Dora Hall's name or even what song you're getting, just a "Top Tune Record". And all you had to do was check your particular genre on the order form and aside from the cost of a stamp. It was free, a mystery with grooves. So many did. just to see what they would get. Larger packages often had a randomly selected record included in the packaging....   

Solo Cozy Cups were ubiquitous in coffee shops in the early-mid '70s. The ones who bought them for home use were often those weird old ladies who thought they were so modern and convenient in spite of the fact everybody else, including their own husbands HATED them..... 

   
 Well, no doubt this was stirring some, albeit mediocre amount of attention. Who was this strange woman who made some of the most godawful covers of '60s pop songs the human ear has ever heard?

And why did her music always come with Solo cup products?

Well, needless to say, Leo Hulseman was going to make his wife a superstar, no matter what. The laws against payola on the radio were one thing.

But there was NOTHING against payola on TV.

Hulseman also owned a TV studio in Culver City, CA. Which he rented out to various TV networks to produce shows in. But his biggest ambition was to produce a HUGE variety show where his wife, Dora Hall was the star. And in 1971, he did. And Dora Hall was flanked by several B-list names of the time (Frank Sinatra Jr., Phil Harris, Rich Little, Rosey Grier, etc.) in a variety show called "Once Upon A Tour".

At the time, TV variety shows (Tony Orlando & Dawn, Sonny & Cher, Donny & Marie, etc.) were all BIG in the '70s (only to be completely - and actually mercifully - killed off forever by the Pink Lady show in 1980. Look for more about that here tomorrow.)

It didn't matter to the other stars who Dora Hall was or how she got to where she was, Or that she had problems singing on key. Leo Hulseman cut HUGE checks for their appearances. And the money DID talk.

He shopped the show around to the three commercial TV networks back then (ABC, NBC and CBS.) But the networks wanted none of it. So he syndicated the show. Prime time entertainment starved independent TV stations (or network stations during off-network hours) could air it that way.

But just as much as the entertainment (or whatever it was), the show was to sell Solo products. And of course, the included Dora Hall record offers.

There were a few more of these shows. But Dora Hall was well into her late '70s by this time and having serious trouble adapting to the changing times (disco namely.) And all of her syndicated shows bombed in the ratings. And by 1980, Solo cups were sold without record offers (although she did made one interesting inroad before the end. When the very first consumer video tape machines came out in the late '70s, she offered free video tapes of her old TV shows - with the purchase of Solo Cups, of course.)

And Dora Hall faded back into obscurity She died in May 1988.

However, she did maintain a very small, but loyal fan club. And her fans (what few there were) have maintained a fan site in her memory.

http://dorahall.tvheaven.com/index.html

So think about that with your next red Solo cup of whatever.......