Gay Bob

"He comes dressed in mucho macho plaid shirt blue jeans that open with a smart snap to reveal his private parts......He lives in a closet....."

But this wasn't the first 'gay' doll.......

THIS was.....

Milk Brands

Foremost was once ubiquitous on the West Coast. Today Foremost is pretty much concentrated in the Midwest and on Guam.

Vitamilk was a Seattle based dairy.

"Homo" milk probably wasn't the best selling moniker for Oak Farm's main dairy product (or at least I'm sure the name never caught on.)

Happy Gay Pride Month!

 

Before They Were Stars: "Ringo I Love You" Bonnie Jo Mason (1964)

From 1964, here's a 17 year old baritone chick named Bonnie Jo Mason and her tribute to the Beatle's drummer dude.

Who was Bonnie Jo Mason? That was a pseudonym given to Cher by one Phil Spector for her first ever single.

"Baby....I'M gonna make YOU a star....."

The single flopped, namely because it's been said that radio stations and Beatles fans thought it was a love song from a gay (male) fan of Ringo's. Female singers weren't supposed to have such big baritone voices back then.

Come 1965, and enter Sonny Bono. Actually, he's been there the whole time, but it was about this time Sonny & Cher had their first hit "Baby Don't Go" (they originally released the song under the duo name Caesar & Cleo for Reprise Records.) By this time, Cher's voice had been adjusted (under Bono's pressure, I presume.) Instead of him coming down to her key, she had to come up to his.....and have a bit of that trendy Bob Dylan twang that Bono was aping himself back then......And the rest is history....

Forgotten Breakfast Cereals

Here's three long forgotten breakfast cereals. One very cool, one very weird and one that should never have seen a table:

Croonchy Stars: Undisputedly the most wacky breakfast cereal box to ever grace a table. The Muppets' Swedish Chef got his own line of cereal in the late '80s with Croonchy Stars. The whole box was covered in wackiness: "No Artificial Colours, No Doorknobs". On the side of the box: "Table Of Contents: Place Contents On Table"

Punch Crunch: This cereal didn't last long in the late '70s. Because even in that more innocent age. many stores refused to stock it and many parents were upset about it because of the gaudy pink box and the even gaudier pink hippo in the sailor suit making googly eyes at the Captain (and God only knows what it was doing with it's left arm.)

Urkel-Os: This cereal should NEVER have happened. Whoever came up with the idea of turning the ANNOYING Steve Urkel of the TV show Family Matters into a cereal probably hasn't worked in promotions since. Secondly, the strawberry/banana flavouring was just AWFUL. The tastes just CLASH in the bowl. Which is probably why this cereal too disappeared soon after it was introduced.......

Big Fig Newton Commercial (Early '80s)

Forgotten Cigarette Brands

(Update 2/18/14: See also my post on electronic cigarettes.)

(Update 3/30/15: See also Forgotten Cigarette Brands Part II)

Cigarettes today are not what they used to be.

Well, let me rephrase that. Cigarettes have always been gross and deadly. But these days, a cigarette smoker is pretty much considered as low as a crackhead in some circles. Though it's nice the smoking awareness campaigns have brought the graphic evils of tobacco to dinner hour TV screens, I have to admit, they're as pointless as the anti-marijuana PSAs of the '60s to the '90s.

Besides, NOTHING can convince an innocent kid not to take up smoking more effectively than a kiss from a chain smoking aunt.

In the old days, you used to have a dizzying variety of cigarette choices available at your local grocery/convenience store (more than 50!). Today, there's about 10 or even fewer brands in most places. Today, most brands are available exclusively over the internet. Retail stores get their stock from a state regulated middleman. Which is why in many states (namely Washington State), there is so little variety.

But for remaining smokers, fire up a menthol and enjoy this stroll down the tobacco aisle of yesteryear....

Tareyton - My dad used to smoke these. No longer available in many areas, but they are available on the internet through RJ Reynolds.

 Kent - My mom used to smoke these.

Virginia Slims - Another disappearing brand of women's cigarette.

More - An icky tasting super long and thin "120" cigarette. I snagged a pack of these from the rack at Fred Meyer when I was a kid. They looked weird, so I though they'd taste cool (with that funky brown paper.) They were flat out GROSS.

Satin - "With a LUXURIOUS satin tip", never mind the tobacco inside was garbage. Satin was an '80s upstart brand. I knew of these by the free pack coupons they used to stuff in every Sunday newspaper.

Yves St. Laurant - A fashion designer's death by design. Another '80s brand.

Merit - Another former brand of choice. Of all the low-tars, I actually LIKED Merits. They were tolerable. But Merit was one of those "old peoples" brands that seemed to disappear rapidly.

Doral - A '70s brand.

Multifilter - Known for having two different filters, but the same result.

Vantage - A filter cigarette with a giant hole in the middle of the filter.

Sterling - An 80's brand

Benson & Hedges - Another disappearing brand and the first marketed for the "upscale" crowd.

Eve - A long thin women's cigarette

Viceroy - Never smoked this brand, but it was big in the '60s.

Lucky Strike - Motto "It's toasted" Just like your lungs after smoking a pack.

Chesterfield - A non-filtered smoke, popular from the '20s - the '60s when even by then, it was an "old people's cigarette" Before Kool and their jazz festivals in the '70s and '80s, it was popular with radio DJs (and immortalized as such in Donald Fagan's song "The Nightfly".) I never thought they were that spectacular

Raleigh - This was the brand your old neighbour probably smoked.

Dave's - A '90s brand still being made, Known for it's folksy magazine ads that made you think it was made by some average person, just like you, who wanted a better smoke than what those big corporations offered. Fact: It was made by Phillip-Morris the whole time.

Scotch Buy - Now here was an unusual brand made by RJ Reynolds for a corporate supermarket chain (Safeway and subsidiaries.) Safeway discontinued Scotch Buy and distanced itself as far as possible from the brand in the '90s when cigarette manufacturers were being sued. Smart move. They tasted like crap anyway.

 Bel/Air - One of the better menthols. Now vanished.

Carlton - The lowest tar and nicotine of any cigarette (without the nicotine, there's no point in smoking cigarettes.) Memorable for it's plain magazine ads that read. "If you smoke, please try Carlton" The gist was that it was a "safer" cigarette. But they tasted HORRIBLE and the filters were so tight, you can barely draw off of one.

True - Another weird filtered low-tar cigarette.

Misty - Another '80s women's cigarette. Still being made, but instead of women, it's gay men that buy them now.

Lark - I remembered seeing these on the shelves, but I can't remember anyone who ever smoked this brand.

Cheers! (Cough!...hack!...wheeze!)

(Thanks to Cigarettespedia.com for some of the images here....)

Halloween Hits: "Something In My House" Dead Or Alive (1987)

From the follow-up album  to their 1985 super-smash Youthquake, which features the '80s party classic "You Spin Me 'Round (Like A Record)" . This album didn't do as well as Youthquake, but it had a few lesser hits on it, including this song and "Brand New Lover"

However, for sheer terror value, NOTHING can top what Dead Or Alive's lead singer Pete Burns has done to his face in the years since.....

Pete Burns, 1985

Pete Burns, 2010

Lost '80s Pop Classic Week: "Rock Me Tonite" Billy Squier (1984)

Well, let me put it this way. Billy Squier was cool. SUPER COOL. At one time, he REALLY was the most popular solo rock artist in the early '80s in America, At one time eclipsing Bryan Adams, George Thorogood and Pat Benatar COMBINED. And if you don't believe it,  I'll remind you:

 But in 1984, something went wrong......Horribly wrong

He was at the peak of his career when he released Signs Of Life, and from all indicators, it was going to be ANOTHER blockbuster album. And it was. This baby shipped platinum straight from Capitol Records on pre-orders ALONE. And a catchy new song hit the airwaves, "Rock Me Tonite" and all was going according to plan.

And then MTV aired the World Premiere Video of "Rock Me Tonite".......

....and you could hear the sound of a million jaws collectively hitting the floor.

For one thing, EVERYTHING was wrong with the video. Famous heterosexual rock guitarists just weren't supposed to prance around in ripped tank tops and pajama bottoms. Or dry hump the floor. Or wear ANYTHING pink. Or stumble around with the band like a drunken drag queen (with a PINK guitar.) It was a TOTAL image clash from the Billy Squier of just a year ago then. Fans scratched their heads and said "What the fu.....?"

And it was proof positive a HUGELY successful music career can be destroyed almost overnight by just ONE bad music video.

And Billy Squier, who once HEADLINED stadiums was suddenly reduced to playing much smaller music venues. (His loyalest fans were still plentiful, but the mainstream fans had all but instantly deserted him.) Over ONE video......

The next few years were rough as he tried to live down the "Rock Me Tonite" video. He released an album in 1986 Enough Is Enough which was a far more serious effort in an attempt to recover from the video debacle and return to form. But rock radio and MTV had mostly ignored it. They were too focused on the hair metal bands who, ironically, pranced around in ripped tank tops and pajama bottoms. Dry humped the floors. Wore ANYTHING pink. And stumbled around like a drunken drag queens.

Some even had PINK guitars.

His comeback finally came in 1989 with the release of Hear And Now, which scored him his first #1 rock hit since "Rock Me Tonite" called "Don't Say You Love Me"and things looked good again....

But Seattle grunge came and soon wiped everyone off the map.

He left Capitol in the early '90s and the music business for the most part, doing nature conservancy work but he still makes occasional appearances at Classic Rock shows....... 

Tears For Ullman

What happens when you play a Tracey Ullman 45 at the wrong speed (33 1/3 RPM)?

MAGIC!

Play this video.......